We’re not sure when or even why this happened, but recently food trucks have become really popular.

Yep, food trucks, roach coaches, mobile food poison dispensaries; those dirty looking trucks that hang outside construction sites and car washes selling mystery meats that even dogs would be afraid to eat.

Or at least that’s how most of us used to view food trucks.  But times have changed.

Food trucks aren’t as plain as a Denny’s on wheels anymore.  They sell more than just defrosted burgers and overcooked scrambled eggs.

Food trucks have themes.  They sell gourmet versions of a particular genre of food using high quality ingredients.

But you have to be in the loop to find them.  Usually the only way to find out where these food trucks are located is through word of mouth or to follow them on Twitter.

And even then, if you arrive late, you might stand in line for an hour… and the food will still sell out.

That’s why we were really excited to attend the first ever Orange County Foodie Fest this past weekend.

The event pulled together 49 of the top food trucks from Southern California and put ‘em all in one lot so 8,500 people could try some great food that’s normally hard to find.  There was supposed to be 50 trucks, but the dim sum truck didn’t show.

We spent five hours jumping from truck to truck, spending about 20 minutes in line at each one, but it was totally worth the achy feet and scorching sunburn.  Here’s what we sampled:

Nom Nom Truck

This was by far the most popular truck at OC Foodie Fest.  We hit this food truck first and we’re lucky we did because the wait was ridiculously long by mid-afternoon… and we can see why.  They serve amazing bánh mì, which is a Vietnamese sandwich served on a French baguette and stuffed with cilantro, pickled carrots, peppers, mayo and choice of meat, the best being pork.

Piaggio On Wheels

Ever since the Buenos Aires trip we’ve been craving Argentine food.  So we were stoked to find out about Piaggio On Wheels.  The skirt steak taco with chimichurri sauce and the pulled pork slider were nice, but it just wasn’t the same.

White Rabbit Truck

Southern California has a big Asian population and a big Mexican population, so it makes sense that a lot of food trucks like White Rabbit fuse the two together to make Asian tacos and burritos.  The craze started with the Kogi truck, which serves Korean BBQ tacos, and now White Rabbit is gaining popularity for their Filipino tacos.  They were just okay.  The pork sisig, which is fried pork, was too salty and chewy, and the chicken adobo was a little dry.  But this was probably just a bad sample.  They were more concerned with their Man Versus Food-style eating challenge where contestants had to eat a 6-pound burrito in 30 minutes.  Just look how big they were:

Chunk-N-Chip Cookies

It was getting pretty hot, and since there was no shaded area, the only way to cool down was with an ice cream sandwich.  Here’s why that tactic didn’t necessarily work: Chunk-N-Chip makes ice cream sandwiches using fresh baked, hot-out-of-the-oven cookies, then smashes a scoop of ice cream in the middle.  The problem is that the warm cookies melt the ice cream, making for a messy yet delicious affair.  I went with the brownie cookie with mint chocolate chip ice cream, and Jackie had the chocolate chip cookie with rocky road ice cream.  Yes, they were as dense as they sound.  They took second place in the “Best of the Fest” competition.

Ta Bom

Dessert wasn’t going to stop us from having more food, so we went to the Brazilian food truck and got a sirloin steak taco and a chicken taco.  They were both pretty good but the service was unbelievably slow.  And I’m still afraid of what the side effects are from drinking that Guarana drink that tasted like Red Bull.

Seabirds

We needed a break from all that dense food, so we went for something that usually scares us: vegetarian food.  The beer battered avocado taco with tequila-jalapeno sauce was refreshing, but the real hit was the jerk jackfruit taco, which had jerk seasoned jackfruit topped with green salsa.  It kind of freaked me out at first because the taste and texture was oddly similar to skirt steak, but once I got my head around the fact that I was eating a fruit and not meat, I felt proud for taking the healthy alternative.  Plus it helped me ignore my mental calorie counter, which was reaching a frightening number.

Longboards Ice Cream

It was getting inexplicably hotter as the sun was setting and we knew we had to finish the day with dessert, so we stopped at Longboards for a coconut ice cream bar dipped in Ghirardelli dark chocolate and rolled in coconut shavings.  It really didn’t have the refreshing effect I was expecting, but it was pretty damn good.

The trucks were separated into sections with funny names based on cities in Orange County, like Eaterheim for Anaheim, Foodport Beach for Newport Beach, and our favorite, based on Huntington Beach…

We didn’t get to try other places like the sushi food truck called Fishlips…

…or the French fry truck that served sweet potato fries with Nutella and peanut butter, or the double-decker bus serving World Fare…

…or the pizza by the slice truck, or the crepes truck…

…or even the meatball truck called Great Balls On Tires…

But overall, the OC Foodie Fest rocked.  Yeah, it was a pretty expensive day — tickets were $12 a person, parking $15, and each truck cost between $6 – $10 — but we look at it this way: we’d wind up paying way more in gas to drive to these food trucks in parts unknown in L.A.  So we’ll pay gladly a premium to have ‘em all in one place.

Next time, though, I won’t wear a belt.  There’s really no point.  Unless you want to see if you can actually snap a belt by ballooning in size.

We’ve been to Vegas plenty of times, but we usually avoid downtown.

That’s because we’ve always heard it was the place where crack whores go to die in back alleys; where hillbillies go to play penny slots and walk away thinking they’re rich because they won two bucks; where tourists get knifed for their fanny-packs filled with disposable cameras and 100 SPF sunscreen; where old people who think The Strip is too noisy with all those fancy record players hit the AARP-discounted buffet by 4 and the sack by 5.

Little did we know, we’ve been missing a lot of cool stuff in downtown Las Vegas… even if all of what we just said is true.

So this time, instead of staying in a hotel on The Strip, we stayed downtown at the Golden Nugget.  Shockingly, it turned out to be just as expensive as a new hotel on The Strip.

Fortunately, you get what you pay for.  The hotel was renovated a few years back and it looks every bit as stylish as a hotel on The Strip.  The only way we could tell we were downtown was because there wasn’t a frat guy passed out on the floor.  Actually, there wasn’t anyone in the 21 – 35 age range (they were contracting STDs on The Strip — and not always through sexual contact).

Even the lobby is super classy.  I say this chandelier looks like a treble musical note.  Jackie says otherwise.  Help me win this argument.

The room was really nice, but the hallways gave off a red light district vibe.

The Golden Nugget is popular for three reasons:

#1.  It’s the least ghetto hotel downtown.

#2.  Everyone comes to see The Hand of Faith.  It’s the world’s largest gold nugget on display, and the second largest gold nugget ever found.  Unlike that place in Florida with piss poor security, this piece of gold is very well guarded, so don’t try anything when you’re drunk off free drinks.

#3.  The pool.  It’s not nearly as big as the pools on The Strip, and it definitely doesn’t bring in the sexy people — think older, fatter, harrier — but it does have something the fancy hotels on The Strip don’t have: a water slide that goes right through a shark tank.  Word of warning: don’t expect to see any sharks when you pass through the tunnel; the slide goes unexpectedly fast and you pass through the tank before you can even tell where you are.

The great thing about staying at the Golden Nugget is that The Fremont Street Experience is right outside.  If you’ve ever seen pictures of the New Year’s celebration in Vegas, you know what this is.  The Fremont Street Experience is a four-block long LED canopy that covers Fremont Street’s pedestrian walkway — the same place where for some stupid reason they’re trying to ban hula hoops.  It’s the world’s largest audio-video system, and it offers free shows every hour.

The coolest show we saw was a tribute to The Doors, complete with psychedelic imagery and terrified children in the crowd.

When the show isn’t going on, ladies wearing skimpy outfits that clearly weren’t designed for their body type try to lure people into small casinos and strip clubs with free beads.  Whether it’s because people are mortified at the amount of saggy skin drooping over the outfits or beads just don’t have the power they once did, either way those casinos are usually empty.

But we were lured by the desire for artery-clogging foods at a dump called Mermaids.  By the way, this was the temperature at 10 o’clock at night.

This small casino has a Nathan’s where you can get a deep fried Twinkie or 3 deep fried Oreo’s for a buck each.  We had always wanted to try ‘em, but never wanted to pay the ridiculous prices at the fair just to bring us one bite closer to a heart attack.

We’re a little ashamed admitting this, but they were really damn good.

Downtown isn’t very big, so you can’t really walk off the calories.  But you can wander around and see some other cool stuff.

At the end of Fremont, there’s The Neon Museum, an outdoor gallery that features 10 refurbished neon signs, with the coolest being Aladdin’s Lamp.  It used to be located inside The Aladdin before the hotel was converted into Planet Hollywood Las Vegas.

Ironically, you’ll get a little taste of Planet Hollywood at the other end of Fremont.  Not long ago, PH opened The Pleasure Pit, where hot female dealers wear skimpy outfits as other girls pole dance to loud music.  Now the Golden Gate hotel is doing the same thing downtown, except it’s much less sexier and much more awkward.

At first we thought hotels started doing this to bring in more customers.  Now we realize that they do it to distract gamblers who spend more time watching the dancing ladies and less time making the right decisions in blackjack.  You’re not supposed to hit on 20, jack ass.

Last time we were in Vegas, we found a tapas restaurant we really liked called Firely.  We were stoked to find out that they had a second location downtown… but not stoked to find out where it was exactly: The Plaza.

If you’ve seen Back To The Future II, you’re familiar with The Plaza.  We’re pretty sure you have to be at least 70 years old to stay here.  I mean, the place smells like formaldehyde.

You know a hotel isn’t high class when the “nice cars” that the valet parks in the show off zone are Acuras and Kias.  The only cars you’ll find in the prime spots at a place like Wynn are Ferraris and Lambos.  A Kia just doesn’t ooze wealth.

The one thing saving The Plaza from demolition is Firefly.  The coolest part about this location is that it’s inside a glass dome that overlooks Fremont Street.

Just a block from The Plaza is a surprisingly cool hotel and casino called Main Street Station.  They definitely know that their clientele is the gray hairs: the place is decorated in antiques.  And we know how old people love old stuff.

But some of the antiques are really fascinating.  The thing to do is grab a brochure from the lobby and go on a scavenger hunt.  The casino is literally covered with history.  Our favorite sights were the gold doors to the former Kuwait Royal Bank…

…the chandeliers from the old Coca Cola Building in Austin, Texas…

…and, the real attraction: a piece of the Berlin Wall, located inside the men’s bathroom.

Take the walkway that connects Main Street Station with the California hotel and you’ll see the Golden Arm Wall of Fame.

Anyone who rolls the dice for at least one full hour at the craps table gets immortalized with a plaque on the wall.  Do it twice and you get platinum status.

The Golden Arm Wall of Fame was created after a guy rolled 118 times before crapping out in 1989.  His 3 hour, 6 minute roll is said to be the longest in history (but really, who keeps track?).

Maybe he was able to roll that long because he touched the lucky Buddha inside the California.

Notice how the paint has been stripped off his belly. That’s partially our fault too.  We took more than our fair share of luck.  But, hey, it worked.  We each turned $40 into almost $200 at the craps table.

On the way out of town, we passed by this reflective silver building with unusual architecture.

We looked into it later and found that the weird building is the Lou Ruvo Center for Brain Health, and it was designed by Frank Gehry, the same guy who designed the world famous Walt Disney Concert Hall in L.A. and the Dancing Building in Prague.

We’re still not sure if you can go into this place, but there’s a Museum of the Mind inside.  Check this place out.

The building is near the Las Vegas Premium Outlets and across from the World Market Center, which are a series of oddly designed buildings — one in particular is 16 stories and has almost no windows — that serve as the largest wholesale furniture showroom in the U.S.  Too bad you can’t get in unless you’re in the industry.

The only thing we didn’t check out was Binion’s hotel, where you can pose for a photo with $1 million and check out some poker memorabilia.  Binion’s used to be where the World Series of Poker took place, but when the game exploded, it was moved to a bigger and newer venue: the Rio.

We saw some cool stuff, won a little money and, hey, we didn’t get mugged!  So overall, our downtown Vegas experience was pretty good.  But we won’t lie: we still prefer The Strip.  Maybe we’ll change our mind when we’re 70.

In October of last year, Jackie’s dad told us about a letter he received that a movie called “Oliver’s Arrow” would be filming near his home in Palos Verdes, California.

First thing we thought was, “that’s a terrible title for a movie… it must be fake.”

In addition, we live near Hollywood and we’re friends with plenty of people in the industry, so we know that movies are often shot under fake titles to prevent stalkers and crazed fans from invading the set.

So we did quick search on the Internet Movie Database and found that “Oliver’s Arrow” was actually the fake title for Christopher Nolan’s next movie, Inception.

By now you’ve seen the trailer at least twenty times, and judging by the trailer, you have no clue what the movie is about.  That’s exactly why the movie was shot under a fake title.

Nolan, the director of The Dark Knight, worked on the script for over a decade, and the content of the movie is allegedly so mind-bending that Warner Brothers wanted to keep its $200 million investment tightly under wraps.

But for a movie shrouded in such secrecy, it wasn’t that difficult to walk on set.

We kind of expected the shooting location, a beach front park on the edge of the Pacific Ocean, to be surrounded by armed guards and killer dogs and landmines because of the high profile cast involved… but there wasn’t even yellow tape.

We parked in a nearby parking lot and watched crews set up lights all around a cove, some as far as half a mile away, to illuminate two set pieces: a three-story tall wooden facade of a Japanese castle on the beach, and a Japanese balcony perched cliffside.

Since the sets were facing the ocean, we couldn’t see what they looked like, but I found this picture of the beachside column later…

So as darkness fell, we inched closer and closer to the set, until we were literally standing ten feet from Mr. Nolan.

We still couldn’t see the construction in its entirety, but it appeared to be a blend of future and past, reality and dream, a stylized Japanese balcony that played host to a party with actresses in classy yet unusual dresses and hats that looked like they could have been flight attendants from Blade Runner.

After a few minutes of guessing what we were looking at, a production coordinator came over and told us it was a closed set.

We struck up a conversation in an attempt to convince her to keep us around, and I soon found out that we both went to the same film school.  But that still didn’t stop her from politely kicking us out.

Nonetheless, it was a cool experience to be on the set of Inception, and it made us even more curious to see the movie when it comes out this Friday.

On a whim we decided to drive up to San Francisco for the weekend to watch some bizarre movies at a horror, sci-fi and fantasy film festival called Another Hole In The Head.  Here’s what went down…

Day 1

The plan was to hit the road by 7 a.m., but after watching a Slap Chop infomercial for the third time in the middle of the night, it was clear we weren’t going to get any sleep.  So we packed up, added some road trip songs to the iPod, and left around 4:30 in the morning.

Once past the Grapevine, a steep strip of highway that winds through the mountains and dumps you in flat farmland, there’s nothing interesting to see for about five hours.  Unless you think cows are interesting.  I find them more interesting between buns.

There aren’t many billboards along the way, but the one I find strangely fascinating is for a place called Andersen’s.  Apparently their claim to fame is pea soup.  I don’t know of anyone who craves pea soup, so I find it odd that they advertise their pea soup over 200 MILES AWAY.  Who, for the next four hours of driving, will seriously be salivating over the prospect of eating a food that resembles vomit?  I could MAYBE understand if it was proven to be the best pea soup in the entire world.  But it turns out it’s just a tourist trap and the food is terrible.  Yet somehow Andersen’s has been successfully fooling people for 86 years.

When we finally arrived in San Francisco, it quickly became apparent that we should have checked the weather report.  You think California, you think summer, you think warm.  NOT the case.  It was cold and cloudy and all we packed for footwear was flip flops.

We stayed at Broadway Manor Inn.  The name is deceptively classy.  And the Ferrari parked in the garage would suggest it was a 4-star hotel.  In reality, it was a typical 2-star Travelodge-type place without the prostitutes doing crack in the stairwell.  But it was cheap and it was one of the few hotels still vacant last weekend.  We didn’t mind the paper thin walls and outdated decoration, we just wanted to sleep after being awake for over 24 hours.

After a long nap, we hailed a taxi driven by a certified hippie: long gray hair, long beard, and a slow, surfer voice that sounded exactly like the sea turtle in Finding Nemo.  After we told him where to go, he replied, “Alright, man, let’s check it ouuuut.”  At every stop light, he would jot incomprehensible thoughts into his notepad with a writing system that resembled hieroglyphs.

We ate dinner at a gastropub called The Monk’s Kettle, a tiny, crammed eatery conveniently located right next to the movie theater where we would soon spend six hours.  The food was expensive (as expected), but the place had amazing reviews and even appeared on Food TV.  We shared a fresh baked pretzel with two dipping sauces (the cheese sauce was awesome) for an appetizer and had the mac ‘n cheese with bacon for our meal.

Then it was off to the film festival.  If you’re not the type of person who appreciates weird, off beat movies with titles like Ticked Off Trannies With Knives or Dr. S Battles The Sex Crazed Reefer Zombies, you wouldn’t want to endure the nerd fest that is Another Hole In The Head.  Here’s what we saw on Friday:

Symbol — a Japanese film about a man who wakes up in a mysterious white room.  The walls are covered in buttons (I kid you not, the buttons are angel penises) and each time he presses one, an object drops into the room that may or may not help him escape.  Meanwhile, there’s an alternate storyline about a Mexican wrestler preparing for an important match.  Eventually these two storylines converge in a bizarre but poetic way.  The last 15 minutes have been described as “mind-blowing”.  I wouldn’t go that far, but I will say that the slow build up is worth it for an end sequence that is fascinating and worthy of a “what does it all mean” discussion.

Robogeisha — over-the-top, silly B-movie about two geisha sisters turned into robots by a malevolent corporation.  A movie with machine gun breasts and ass-swords and a geisha turning into a tank sounds like it should be awesome, but the filmmakers ditched the hokey fight scenes and dragged out a boring storyline that was supposed to mock Japanese melodrama, but became one instead.  The trailer is entertaining (NSFW)… the movie is not.

Tucker & Dale VS Evil — by far the most fun film we’ve seen in a long time, this comedy-horror can basically be described as one big misunderstanding.  A group of college kids suspect two hillbillies of killing their friend and spend the rest of the movie trying to kill them.  But the hillbillies actually saved their friend and are completely oblivious to what’s going on.  Really funny movie that MIGHT come out in theaters.

Day 2

Started off the day with lunch at an Asian fusion restaurant with really good reviews called So.  People raved about the wings and after quickly ingesting half a dozen like a vacuum, I can totally see why: juicy, flavorful, spicy, and lots of garlic.  As always with wings, it was a messy affair.

We dropped the car off back at the hotel to keep one of the few parking spots available and decided to walk two miles to Coit Tower.  That walk alone was enough to motivate me to start P90X again.

Along the way, I couldn’t help but wonder why someone decided to build a city on land covered in steep hills.  Seems like an inconvenience from the get go.

However, the long climb to the top of Telegraph Hill was worth it for a stunning panorama of the bay.  Coit Tower, a 210-foot tall monument dedicated to the firefighters of San Francisco, sits at the top of the hill and is one of the most recognizable symbols of the city — you can see this phallic symbol from practically anywhere in the city.

The line to see the 26 murals inside Coit Tower and the elevator ride to the top was too long, so we instead walked down to Washington Square, a popular park where homeless people mingle with picnickers and nobody seems to mind.  If you’ve seen Dirty Harry, you’ve seen this park.

It wouldn’t be a normal day in my life without an embarrassing moment.  We were sitting on a bench, watching people walk their dogs, when a lady walked by with an adorable dog that looked just like a fox, except without the creepy eyes.  I said, a little too loudly, “Look at that fox!”  I didn’t realize until after I said it that that comment could be construed as me talking about the girl instead of the dog.  But, seriously, when was the last time a guy called a girl a fox and didn’t do it in an Austin Powers voice?

From there we took a cab to a Mayan-Mexican restaurant called Poc Chuc.  This place had one of the best tacos I’ve ever had in my life.  But this was no ordinary taco.  It was a turkey taco.  The turkey was everything you don’t expect from turkey: tender, juicy, citrusy, and totally addicting.

Keeping with the theme of weird and unexpected on this trip, we stopped for dessert at an Indian ice cream shop.  Sure, they serve normal flavors at Bombay Ice Cream, but I was way more interested in the unusual stuff, like saffron pistachio and cardamom rose.  Both flavors were rich and bold, but not refreshing like you would want ice cream to be.

We walked just around the corner to the Roxie Theater for the last film of the trip: A Serbian Film.

It’s already the most controversial movie of the year, and likely will become one of the most controversial of all time.  Some have even called it a dangerous film because a guy at Cannes fainted at a press screening and broke his nose.  On every filmic level, A Serbian Film is a good film, but it’s a film you CAN’T like and will probably never watch a second time because it’s not enjoyable.  It’s really, really, really dark, graphic and disturbing.

A Serbian Film is about a former porn star struggling to raise a family who is pulled out of retirement by a mysterious producer who promises to pay the man a large sum of money to star in his latest movie.  The catch is, he can’t know any of the details about the movie and he can’t back out.  That should be the cue to run away fast, but the guy needs the money, so he takes the job.  It would be an understatement to say that winds up being a bad idea.

After the movie, we decided to clear our minds with one last meal.  The taste of Indian food still lingered in my mouth from the ice cream, so we went to a place nearby called Asalam’s Rasoi.  The food was good but unreasonably expensive (apparently it’s not easy to find a cheap meal in San Fran).  We came to the conclusion that Indian food isn’t photogenic — it actually looks like colorful animal gruel — so just take our word that Indian curry is delicious if you’ve never had it.

It was a quick one and a half day excursion, but I think we got a lot done and I learned a lot of lessons along the way: climbing a hill in San Francisco is just as rewarding and just as exhausting as climbing Mount Everest, alcohol makes bad movies good (the drunks in the crowd loved Robogeisha), and you will ALWAYS look like a pervert if you say “Look at that fox!” out loud.

They don’t make movies like they used to.

Today, most movies are just bad.  But there was a time when movies were so bad, they were actually kinda good.

They were the trashy, schlocky, ridiculously over-the-top movies with bad acting, inexplicable storylines and unnecessary nudity and violence that Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez paid homage to in the Grindhouse films (and in the upcoming Machete).

Instead of paying $14 to watch the formulaic crap at the movie theater, you can watch a grindhouse double-feature at L.A.’s oldest revival theater, the New Beverly Cinema, for only $7.  It’s like a bad movie slogan: twice the movie, half the price.

The program changes almost every day, and even though they sometimes play legitimately good films, most nights are dedicated to cult classics, exploitation flicks, and obscure genre films from the ’70′s and ’80′s, played back-to-back, all on 35mm film.

Often times, directors, cast and crew will even show up for the screenings, including Quentin Tarantino.  He bought the theater earlier this year, saving it from being turned into a Super Cuts.  So it’s no surprise that they frequently show Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs at the midnight screenings.

Last weekend, we made our way up to the New Beverly Cinema for a Jim Wynorski triple feature.  You probably don’t recognize the name, but if you’ve ever scrolled through premium cable stations late on a Friday night and seen titles like Busty Cops and The Devil Wears Nada, you know who he is.

Best tagline ever?

Back before he started doing Skinamax flicks, he wrote and directed cheesy B-movies and terrible sequels like Ghoulies IV and 976-EVIL II.  His movies were never intended to be good, they were meant to be fun.  He was even in attendance for the triple feature to laugh at his movies with the audience.

First on the bill was Wynorski’s first film, The Lost Empire, a movie so preposterously bad, I couldn’t help but wonder why I was having such a good time watching it.  This scene sums up the whole movie (possibly NSFW), but since I know you’ll want more, here’s a summary:

–Ninjas try to steal the key to a weapon, then never make an appearance again.

–Busty blonde cop assembles a martial arts team featuring two even bustier women, including a Native American who loves to say “kimosabe.”

–The plan is to infiltrate an island controlled by a villain who wants to take over the world.  He also happens to be holding a martial arts competition.

–The martial arts competition never happens.  Instead, the busty girls go through a series of medical examinations and training regimens that involves a lot of jumping jacks and more nudity than is necessary to the plot.

–Corny ’80′s synthesized soundtrack.

–A man in a gorilla suit.

–The villain plans to take over the world using a laser canon that resembles a giant penis.  Busty girls foil plot in needlessly skimpy outfits.

–Cheesy lines.  After a guy gets stabbed with a sword, the Indian chick says, “I guess he got the point.”

The second movie, Chopping Mall, is a cult classic.  The movie is about eight teenagers who stay in a mall after hours to have sex and drink beer.  But their plans are foiled when three security robots go haywire and try to kill them.

Best quote from the movie:  “I guess I’m just not used to running around a shopping mall in the middle of the night being chased by killer robots.”

If that isn’t worth the price admission, I don’t know what is.  We didn’t stay for the third movie, Demolition High, but it starred Corey Haim and Alan Thicke, so it must have been good.

Check out the schedule at the New Beverly Cinema and go see something that’s actually entertaining for once.

If it’s new, weird or over the top, you can find it on the Vegas food scene.  Check out some of the places we went over the weekend…

Ice Cream Tasting Game At RM Seafood

There are plenty of food challenges in Vegas: the 6-pound B3 burrito at the NASCAR Cafe in the Sahara, Blazin’ hot wings at Buffalo Wild Wings, 5 pounds of Vietnamese food at Pho 87.  But I don’t like to risk death to conquer food; I prefer to enjoy it.

And the ice cream tasting game at RM Seafood inside Mandalay Bay makes it easy… except for the frightening mystery flavor.

The challenge is to sample sixteen ice cream flavors and attempt to identify each flavor.  It’s harder than it sounds, especially when you taste complex flavors such as blackberry chamomile or strawberry champagne grape sorbet.

Plus, you never know when you’ll hit a landmine of grossness.  We thought we tried the nastiest flavor when we ate watermelon, which was disturbingly tangy.  But oh no, the worst came when we tasted… gazpacho.

Disgusting gazpacho flavored ice cream.  A cold raw vegetable soup should never be in ice cream form; that’s like a sick genetic experiment by a mad scientist.  It’s sour and vinegary and tastes like fermented seaweed.  The man responsible for this hideous concoction is a taste bud terrorist.

Luckily the delicious peanut butter and jelly, banana nutella, and carrot cake flavors made up for it.

Luv-It Frozen Custard

The best ice cream you will ever taste is at a dumpy shack on a shady stretch of Las Vegas Boulevard between Stratosphere and downtown.  Well, it’s not really ice cream, it’s custard.  No matter what it is, it’s certainly worth the risk of being shanked by a drug dealer to taste it.

Luv-It‘s frozen custard is a smoother, creamier, richer alternative to ice cream that’s actually healthier ( don’t let that fool you, it’s still an unhealthy treat).

They only serve four flavors a day and you can only get it after 1 o’clock.  I went with the lemon custard in a waffle cone and I have no shame in admitting that I’m dumping my long time love.  I hate to make this public, ice cream, but I’m moving on to something better.  It’s been a good ride.

Dad’s Grilled Cheese

A restaurant dedicated entirely to grilled cheese sounds like a gateway to heaven.  Unfortunately, Dad’s Grilled Cheese was a gateway to mediocrity.  The sandwiches were alright, but it’s expensive for what it is.  A sandwich, side of fries, cup of tomato soup and a drink costs over $10.  Pay your mom $5 and she’ll make a better grilled cheese, guaranteed.

Mr. Lucky’s “Secret” Special

One of the best food finds is at Mr. Lucky’s inside the Hard Rock.  It’s a 24-hour joint with an awesome “secret” deal that’s really not a secret at all.  Who knows whether it’s called “The Special,” “The Gambler’s Special,” or “The Local’s Special,” it’s all the same thing: an 8-ounce flat iron steak, 3 jumbo grilled shrimp, mashed potatoes and a salad for $7.77.  It’s not on the menu so you have to be totally stealthy when you whisper your order.

Bayside Buffet At Mandalay Bay

The Bayside Buffet is like a microcosm of all that Vegas stands for, for better or worse: it’s expensive, it’s large, it’s excessive, and it’s totally worth it.

Here’s what was available at the Memorial Day brunch: any breakfast item you can imagine, an omelet station, freshly carved meats, fried foods galore, steaks, fresh crab legs and shrimp, a huge dessert section… and, oh yeah, a fruit and salad section that looked untouched.

Just don’t sit by the window overlooking the pool full of svelte, tanned hard bodies wearing very little.  The fried shrimp will still taste good, but it’s never good to eat your sadness.

Namaste Indian Food

Namaste has insanely good reviews on just about every website, leading me to believe that either people don’t know what Indian food is supposed to taste like, or they just don’t care.

The food was the definition of average, though it was cheap since we had a Restaurant.com coupon (if you haven’t signed up for their mailing list yet, do it!  You can buy $25 certificates to select restaurants for only $2 during their monthly 80% off sale).

There’s a much better Indian restaurant in Vegas called Tamba.  Even though they advertise, I’m sure nobody knows where the hell the restaurant is because every time we go there, even on Friday nights, the place is empty.  I don’t even know how it stays open.  Indian mob money?

BLT Burger

BLT Burger is ranked as one of the best places to get a burger in Vegas, but what really makes this place popular are the spiked milkshakes and the kick ass desserts, like the Krispy Kreme doughnut bread pudding.

FIREFLY*

I had never had tapas before, but after eating at FIREFLY* Tapas Kitchen & Bar, I wanted to invent a time machine so I could go back in time and rectify this travesty.  Sure, it’s pricey and it adds up quick, but eating one thing can get boring; it’s fun sampling a bunch of different items.

We tried some awesome items like tuna tartar, bacon-wrapped dates stuff with almonds, a skillet bubbling with cheese and chorizo, skewers, empanadas, and mac ‘n’ cheese.  For dessert we went with banana-nutella sandwiches, which were like dessert versions of grilled cheese sandwiches.

We washed it all down with pomegranate mojitos and shots of infused vodka made with berries and lychee.  Just awesome.

Hash House A Go Go

Comfort food in unthinkably large portions is a winner anytime.  But Hash House A Go Go does it the best.  We make it a point to go here at least once when we’re in Vegas, especially on Friday when the chicken and waffles is on special for only $12.95.

One plate comes with two large, perfectly moist and juicy fried chicken breasts on top of deliciously chewy waffles.  But here’s the best part: they bake an entire strip of bacon inside each waffle.  I declare the bacon waffle my lord and savior.

Bring a defibrillator with you to the dinner table and everything will be alright.

This may come as a surprise, but Las Vegas is more than just a four mile strip of flashy hotels and loud casinos.  It’s actually a sprawling metropolis of 2 million people that spans over 4,000 square miles, which means there’s a lot more to do than watch a drunk guy try to find his missing shoe (even though that is highly entertaining).  Here’s some fun stuff we did in Vegas over Memorial Weekend to escape the crowds…

Casinos Off The Strip

Our gambling budget is so small that we could only play a few hands of blackjack at nearly any casino on The Strip.  But at the casinos a few miles away, your money goes further.  Table minimums are lower and casinos like Eastside Cannery, a classy ’50′s inspired hotel with color-changing exterior, and the elegantly designed Red Rock Resort, are replete with penny and nickel slots.

Eastside Cannery

The only problem with off The Strip hotels is the lack of free entertainment (and in a city like Vegas where everything costs four times more than it should, free entertainment is the only thing preventing you from betting your mortgage at the tables).  One of the few hotels that offers a free show is Sam’s Town, a hotel way the hell out in BFE.

Their show is called Sunset Stampede, an eight-minute tour of the Western pioneer as told through water theatrics, lasers, lights and animation.  It’s no Bellagio fountains, but it’s better than buying cap guns and trying to reenact life in the Old West with your friends.

The first half of the show is cool, depicting cowboys and Indians and dessert animals looking way more colorful and futuristic than they do in real life.  Suddenly the tune changes and the show morphs into an oddly uncomfortable display of pro-America propaganda, complete with country songs and images of military might.  The only thing lacking was a guest appearance by Sarah Palin dressed in a civil war reenactment costume.

Rocket Fizz

In a strip mall at the edge of Vegas (literally, it’s nothing but desert a few blocks away), there’s a cool shop called Rocket Fizz, where you can find hundreds of varieties of soda and candy, some of which you probably haven’t seen since you last bought something from the ice cream man (side note: in my neighborhood, the ice cream man was arrested for trying to sell drugs to kids).

Perhaps my favorite word in the entire English language is “free,” and Rocket Fizz offers free soda tastings on Saturday.  After trying this lightly carbonated peach soda that tasted exactly like a real peach (science has come so far), I asked a clerk for the weirdest soda.

He gave me Cola Azteca, a dark soda that contains coffee, chocolate, cinnamon and cayenne pepper.  Sounds like a deadly combination, but it was surprisingly good, although I’m not used to heat lingering in my mouth after a swig of soda.

But my greatest find was something that got me in trouble when I was a kid.  It’s absolutely the most un-politically correct candy ever made and I can’t believe they still make this stuff…

Bubble gum cigarettes.

They even come in a box that looks like a real pack of cigarettes.  But here’s the best part: pretend to smoke the cigarette and white smoke shoots out.

It’s totally wrong and sends a terrible message to kids, but I’m not gonna lie, it looks effin’ sweet.

Pinball Hall Of Fame

I grew up sucking at video games, but I wish I grew up twenty years prior so I could have sucked at pinball instead.

A couple miles off The Strip in an unassuming warehouse is 10,000 square feet of flashing lights and loud sounds and a helluva lot of fun… except it’s way cheaper than a slot machine.  $10 can last an hour at the Pinball Hall of Fame.

Take a nostalgic trip back in time and play one of 152 pinball machines and 54 arcade games, some of which date back to the ’50′s.

While I gradually got worse at a pinball game called Space Shuttle, Jackie was kicking ass at Dunk N’ Alien, a ski ball game where you try to hit a moving target in order to dunk an alien that mocks competitors.

Pawn Stars

If you’ve ever seen the History Channel show Pawn Stars, you know that the Gold & Silver Pawn Shop has become another Vegas landmark.  But once you see the place, it’s kind of a let down.

The store is smaller than it looks on TV, the guys on the show only work a few hours on weekdays, and everything is terribly overpriced.  I thought we’d see a lot of the interesting antiques they buy on the show, but it’s mainly jewelry for sale.  And the thought of wearing someone else’s jewelry, especially knowing they pawned it to likely pay for medical bills or something, is disturbing.

There were some motorcycles at the back and a few old slot machines on the counter, but not enough to warrant braving the huge crowds that pack into this small place to buy overpriced souvenirs.

Red Rock Canyon

By far the coolest excursion, and the one we underestimated the most, was the drive thirty minutes outside of Vegas to Red Rock Canyon.

You can see Red Rock Canyon way out in the distance from most of the hotels — it sticks out like a swollen red sore thumb — and it doesn’t appear as if it would be that interesting.

But after paying $7 to take the 13-mile scenic drive and stopping at various points to walk around, this prehistoric playground for hikers and rock-climbers took on an extraordinarily impressive, even mysterious, life.

There’s a strange air about the giant pile of red sandstone rocks in the canyon.  Not in a bad way.  It’s easy to sense why the Native Americans considered it a spiritual place.

We didn’t bring appropriate clothing to go hiking, nor do we have the stamina to challenge the canyon — it’s far easier walking down than climbing back up — so we didn’t do much exploring.

But we could have easily spent the entire day in the canyon… if we didn’t sunburn easily… and get winded after climbing up a small hill… and didn’t fear being attacked by raving mad jackrabbit.  Perhaps this gift shop item would help…

Every trip to Vegas is a unique experience, full of strange encounters, uncomfortable situations, and, of course, life lessons.  Here’s what we discovered on our most recent trip to Sin City…

***

We rarely let slot machines siphon money out of our pocket, but occasionally nerdiness gets the best of us.  We didn’t succumb to the slots with alluring and totally descriptive titles like “Triple Double Wild Cherry Deluxe With Cheese”.  Instead, we played a Jeopardy! slot.  No intelligence involved.

After losing a few bucks, we switched to the always tempting Deal or No Deal slot.  As usual, greediness led to irrational decision making, and a play that cost $7 or $8 netted a briefcase with only 20 cents inside.  But wait — two women offer double or nothing, and the prospect of a whopping 40 cents was too great to turn down.

The first time we went double or nothing, we chose the blonde girl… and lost.  The next time we went double or nothing (this time on a 10 cent victory), we chose the blonde again… and lost again.  When it came time for round three, with a whopping 50 cents on the line, the woman next to us said, “Pick the black girl. She always wins.”  She was right, and a whole dollar was ours.  You really do meet the wisest people in casinos.

***

During our wanderings off The Strip, we passed a strip club called The Library.  As the name suggests, the strippers are dressed as sexy librarians.  I’m trying to picture it and it seems like it should be hot… but I don’t recall going to my local library and seeing an attractive librarian.  Ever.

***

The section of The Strip between The Stratosphere and downtown is only a few miles, but I imagine the majority of crime in Vegas is concentrated in this small section.  We saw a guy being put on a stretcher on one street, and a guy getting arrested on the next corner.  And this was during daylight hours!  Imagine what happens when darkness falls.

There’s really nothing to see on this section of road.  It’s lined with dumpy wedding chapels, shady strip clubs, themed motels, ethnic food shops, pawn shops, abandoned shops, and, of all things, a hostel.

***

Speaking of scary and Stratosphere, you couldn’t pay me to go on swing that hangs over the edge at a height of 900 feet.

***

Bonanza Gifts claims to be the largest gift shop in the world, and I believe ‘em.  However, I’m not sure how many people are in the market for such thoughtful gifts as a 10-gallon Styrofoam cowboy hat…

…rubber horse masks…

…bacon lunch pails and gummy bacon…

…devices that turn food into activities…

…and glasses with a penis nose.

Now when someone calls me a dickface, they're being observant instead of insulting.

***

I want to say Jackie is a kind soul, but I wonder if she’s just a sucker.  She always gives money to solicitors and daringly approaches homeless people to give them money in exchange for petting their dog.  Disregard that some of these people appear suspicious and possibly even armed.

We’re sitting in her car in a rather dark parking lot trying to figure out where to get a pina colada when this lady with missing teeth, patchy hair and a set of crazy eyes that would strike fear into a bear rolls up next to the car on her bike.  Jackie, probably thinking this person is a purveyor of good advice, opens the window without hesitation… on my side of the car.

As soon as the window lowers, the woman, clearly about to come down from a 72-hour acid trip, launches into this totally nonsensical stream of consciousness where she begs us for $6.98 exactly so she can buy a McDonald’s value meal because she’s hungry… but she’s not on crack or drugs or anything… and she thinks we’d have the money even though she’s not checking out our wallets or car or anything… but she needs to get the money to get the McDonald’s value meal because she needs it.

I’ve never heard of a McDonald’s value meal costing $6.98.  That’s the opposite of value.  And I’m not sure how she went from her needing to eat to some mystery male character needing to eat, but I’m pretty sure “McDonald’s value meal” was code for “buy more acid.”

***

***

I don’t have to tell you that Vegas oozes sexuality, but it seems to get more impressive by the year.

As we were about to walk into The Mirage to get something to eat, three busty women walk off the cover of a magazine and out of the hotel wearing incredibly flashy, blinged out bikinis — bright gold, bejeweled — ass hanging out, dragging their luggage to the parking garage.

A few hours later, we pull into the parking garage at THEhotel and there’s another incredibly gorgeous model-type sitting at the valet waiting for her car with luggage in hand… wearing only a tiny black bikini that didn’t leave much to the imagination.

Where are these people going in bikinis?

***

We met up with one of my good friends from high school and his wife in search of unnecessarily large tubes of adult beverage.  Walk The Strip for five minutes and you’re bound to see people sucking down 60 ounces of daiquiri or margarita from a tube that looks like a vital part of a truck engine.

As we waited for our pina coladas — don’t ask about the pina colada obsession on this trip, just accept that Vegas makes strange requests on your taste buds — I noticed that someone left a very generous tip for the bartender in her tip jar…

That amount of alcohol seems like a good idea when you first get it.  Even the M&Ms agree.

Eventually the combination of alcohol and a digital camera becomes dangerous, especially after you realize that a long tube of pina colada looks like a phallic symbol (pictures omitted as a courtesy to my future employers).  I feel bad for the foreign tourists who will go home, review their pictures, and see us in the background doing stuff like this…

Confucius say: Dragon boogers bring good luck.

***

After guzzling down that hideously sour, foamy pina colada, my friend Jeff said, with absolute authority: “We’re going into the Bellagio to play games.  I don’t care what.  We – will – win.”  We lost.

Vegas motto:  If you win, you win.  If you lose, you break even.

***

At about 3 in the morning, I walk into the men’s room at Hard Rock and this guy runs into the stall next to me and exclaims: “OH YEAH!  OH!  OH YES!  Wow.  A piss can only feel that good in Vegas.  I’d pay a prostitute to make me feel that good again.”

He was an Englishman so at least it sounded refined.

***

Jackie and I went to get haircuts at this popular place off The Strip and there was this loud girl across the salon going on a tirade about some family dispute.  I couldn’t keep up with what she was saying as she kept jumping from topic to topic, but at one point she uttered the strangest line I’ve ever heard:

“They can’t judge us for liking tomatoes, even if they are illegal.”

Let that marinate for a minute.  Try to process that.  I know it’s out of context, but is there any conversation where that statement can be accepted in context?

***

Vegas is not a place to visit if you have insecurities.  The 18 – 25 crowd all look like Abercrombie & Fitch models.  On the weekend, the city is a veritable buffet of eye candy.

Which makes it all the more depressing when we work our asses off at the gym to barely see improvement and these people can chow down burgers and nachos and alcoholic drinks all day and somehow lose weight.

Sahara: The 2-Star Slum

The only reason we stayed at the Sahara for two nights was because it was pretty cheap compared to the outrageous Memorial Weekend prices at some of the nicer places (we’re talking $300 plus).  The place is pretty much a dump.  We call it “The Motel 5″ because equating it to Motel 6 would just be disrespectful to Motel 6.

Not a raging Vegas pool party.

It’s one of those old school Vegas hotels that doesn’t try to improve and even prides itself on its clientele of WWE and NASCAR fans.  It’s also one of those places that likely attracts unsavory activity.

Case in point: I’m pretty sure our room was the scene of a vicious knife fight.  There were rips in the carpet and a suspicious dark stain under a chair, likely where a victim of a drug deal gone awry was bludgeoned.

But I guess all the luxurious amenities of the room make up for it being a crime scene.  Take, for instance, the TV.  If we tried to change the volume in any direction, it would automatically spike to the max.  Once there, it couldn’t be turned down.  But volume doesn’t matter when you only have a handful of fuzzy stations.  The broken speaker was a marvelous aesthetic choice as well.

We also especially enjoyed the shower.  I prefer a shower head that slowly drips water while most of the water gushes out of the bath faucet, creating a shower/bath hybrid experience that’s second to none.

After two blissful nights at the Sahara, we moved to Mandalay Bay’s all-suite THEhotel.  More on that room in a later post.

Observations From The I-15

There is always a bevy of interesting sights on a long distance drive, as our trip up the I-5 for the Olympics would indicate.  The drive along the I-15 from L.A. to Vegas packs just as much strangeness in a shorter drive.  Here are a few observations…

–To get to the I-15, L.A. drivers have to take the 91 Freeway.  Luckily we missed this huge accident by mere minutes.

–We passed a white van with Jurassic Park logos on the doors.  I don’t remember that particular vehicle making an appearance in Jurassic Park, which begs the question: why put Jurassic Park logos on a van?

–The phone number for this Greyhound bus is 1-800-SAFE-BUS.  Notice how it appears as if it’s going to tip.

–What’s more disturbing: a cattle cargo truck full of animals… or an empty one?

–The last ten miles before you reach Vegas is an assault of billboards advertising buffets and nightclubs.  The first ten miles after you leave Vegas is an assault of billboards advertising weight loss plans and companies that will fight your DUI.

–I like reading license plates on the drive.  It make it less boring.  I particularly liked this one…

–This is cheating a little since it’s technically a few miles off the I-15, but if you recall our list of 15 Cool Sights To See On The Drive To Vegas, you can’t pass through Barstow without a stop at Del Taco.  Naturally we made our usual stop at the original Del Taco, but it was something we passed on the surface streets that really got our attention this time. On nearly every block, we saw a guy on the sidewalk waving a sign that directs drivers to cheap food or car insurance discounts.  But the strangest sign guy had to be the afroed guy in a nurse uniform, dancing and signing, waving a sign that read: “Urgent Care This Way”.  Does urgent medical attention really necessitate song and dance?

(*On a side note, after a visit to urgent care a few months ago, I got a letter in the mail that read: “Thank you for patronage.  We look forward to seeing you again soon.”  Well I don’t!  I had to get two painful shots in the butt.  Thanks for the well wishes.)

–Del Taco isn’t the classiest dining experience, but I can endure sights like this to indulge in a delicious half-pound bean and cheese burrito with red sauce…

–Most of the ride to Vegas consists or large expanses of wide open dessert, which makes this especially confusing.  About 30 minutes outside Vegas, there’s a skydive company that put its landing strip in the most inappropriately dangerous place possible: adjacent to a freeway and huge power lines.

Now we know why it’s called Extreme Skydiving.  You have to be extremely crazy to not only risk death by jumping out of an airplane, but having to combat furious desert winds and dangerous obstacles such as sailing over power lines and landing on a thin strip of land unwisely placed directly next to a highly trafficked freeway.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas… until you wind up in the news.

Disneyland proclaims itself as “The Happiest Place On Earth.”  Most of the time, this is patently false; a serious case of misadvertising that deserves a little asterisk next to the title just to prevent a disgruntled family from suing. 

Usually Disneyland serves as a breeding ground for arguments and germs.  Everyone disagrees on which ride to go on next.  Families on the brink of crumbling utilize Tomorrowland as a therapist’s office.  The kids want toys the parents can’t afford, resulting in a threat to stop loving whichever frugal parental unit crushed their desire for more stuff they’ll never play with. 

As the bank accounts drain, the waits grow longer, and the sunburns become more painful, the crying, hissy fits, personal insults and overall contempt multiply like minor infections, morphing Disneyland into one of the least happy places on earth. 

Fortunately, that wasn’t the case this particular day. 

Cruella De Vil harasses a man selling balloons.

One of the perks of having a friend who works at Disneyland is that they can get you in for free, saving about $100 per person (if you’re going to both Disneyland and California Adventure).  Many of my friends decided to get “real jobs” long ago, abandoning their low-paying jobs at Disneyland, and subsequently my friendship. 

But Jackie’s friend Jenn knew someone who worked there and could get the three of us in.  This person has been added to my will. 

Free admission was a great start.  It got better when the parking attendant, who was blatantly staring at Jackie’s ample cleavage, gave us free parking, saving us $14.  “You’re cool.  I hooked it up.”  Awh, yeah, playa; that’s how you impress the ladies!  (He didn’t get Jackie’s number.) 

To top it all off, the wait for rides was short — like a pizza: 30 minutes or less — and the family-of-four count was relatively low, resulting in less arguments and divorces.  It was mainly teenagers, who can be equally as loud and annoying, much like a little girl throwing a temper tantrum because her family doesn’t want to go on Snow White for the tenth time in a row.  I like how teenagers cuss an unreasonable amount too, as if they just learned naughty words and need to use at least two in every sentence or risk forgetting it. 

The most adorable things in the entire park. Take that, Mickey. If you weren't a cartoon, you'd be exterminated anyway.

Rides And Attractions

One of the newest rides at Disneyland is Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters, a combination of ride and video game.  You sit in a slow moving spaceship and fire a hand-held laser gun at enemy targets to rack up points.  I sat in a ship by my lonesome, clutching both guns, and managed to amass a combined score of 72,400.  Not bad, but not great. 

Know how many Jackie got?  5,600.  I’m convinced Jackie didn’t know she had to aim for targets and accidentally accrued 5,600 points.  Solid score based on luck, piss poor score based on skill. 

I don’t like drops.  I’m not ashamed to admit that it took me over 20 years to build up the courage to tackle Splash Mountain and it’s 50-foot drop.  I still don’t particularly like the feeling that my stomach might revolt and cover my log mates in more than just water.  But I go on the ride anyway because the drop isn’t that bad. 

On this particular occasion, a mother was taking her two young kids on the ride for the first time.  She, too, hated drops.  I had to talk to her the whole ride and let know it was going to be okay even though I was one leg twitch away from wetting my pants.  After the drop, she said, “That wasn’t that bad.” 

The Haunted Mansion is a make-out ride.  Thank goodness it’s dark in there because I would hate to see what’s growing in those buggies.  If I had a black light, it would probably look like a crime scene from CSI. 

Captain EO is the corniest thing ever.  And I love it.  I also love that world class talent like George Lucas, Francis Ford Coppola and Michael Jackson teamed up to make a 3D movie experience with then cutting-edge technology and Captain Freakin’ EO was the best they could come up with.  Unfortunately, the new Captain EO Tribute isn’t as cool as what it used to be.  The seats wobble and vibrate for like half the show, even during unnecessary moments like the dance scenes when there’s no action.  It was really distracting.  You could get the same experience for a quarter at a sleazy motel.  During the show, I kept thinking, “If there was an earthquake right now, no one would know the difference.” 

If you have anything in your body that needs dislodging, ride the Matterhorn Bobsleds.  This clunky roller coaster opened in 1959, and has been bruising kneecaps ever since. 

The only reason to visit California Adventure is Soarin’ Over California, a ride where you sit in a seat that’s lifted into the air and pushed close to massive video screen that simulates the experience of hand gliding over various landscapes in California.  Not only do you get to see and hear California, you feel the mist from the waves of the ocean and smell the oranges from the groves in Orange County.  It’s worth the long wait. 

Big Thunder Mountain Railroad lacks thunder and really isn’t much of a mountain, but it sure is fun. 

The Food

Much like a fair or a sporting event, the food is just as big of an attraction. 

I’ve been to both parks plenty of times, but I tend to stay away from the long lines and exorbitant prices in the restaurants.  There could be some great food at the sits-down places, but I like eating fast and eating on the go.  Rides frequently break down and wait times can quickly balloon, so I like to stay on the move.  Here are my favorite quick eats at Disneyland and California Adventure (note that the food isn’t photogenic)… 

There’s an ice cream stand on the boardwalk near California Screamin’ inside California Adventure that serves the creamiest, smoothest ice cream I’ve ever had.  I think the only ingredients are sugar and triple-thick, quadruple-churned cream.  It’s unbelievably dense and rich. 

At Thanksgiving, the turkey leg is generally neglected.  But if grandma knew how to cook turkey like the chefs at Disneyland, people would fight for the leg, literally, like savage barbarians.  Eating a tender, juicy turkey leg is primal and messy and completely unattractive, but it’s also one of the most delicious things you can buy at the park.  There’s enough savory meat on one leg to fill you up for hours.  At $9, it’s a bit pricey, but it looks like a bargain compared to the unthinkably expensive corn on the cob which is $4.75. 

Across from the Indiana Jones ride is a little joint called the Bengal Barbeque where you can get deliciously sweet and savory meat on a skewer.  The skewer also doubles as a weapon if the teenagers act up. 

Walk to the end of Main Street and you’ll see a long line.  You’ll quickly notice that this isn’t a line for a ride.  No, it’s the line at the Little Red Wagon Corn Dog stand.  Yes, it’s that good.  I’m curious to see the list of ingredients because I’m pretty sure crack is in there. 

No matter how hot it gets, there’s never a bad time for warm clam chowder in a bread bowl.  People often mistake the line at Royal Street Veranda for the line to Pirates of Caribbean, it’s that long.  Can’t go wrong with New Orleans fritters for dessert. 

Unfortunately, the cleavage trick doesn’t work for getting free food. 

Earthquakes are nothing new to us.  We live in Southern California, aka Earthquake Country.  Every few months we get a little jolt so negligible, it could be confused for big rig driving by.

Usually when a quake hits, we get a flood of calls from friends and family asking if we’re okay — maybe they thought a stray can of soup was jettisoned off the counter and hit me in the pelvis?

Then they recount everything that happened and what they felt, from the slight sway of pencils in their tin holders to the minor vibrations of water in their plastic cups (think Jurassic Park but way less thrilling).  That is followed by a gross exaggeration of the facts about how long the quake lasted and how powerful it was.  It’s easy to spot the liars on Facebook: just find the two attention whores who claim something fell off the wall; nothing fell off the wall unless you live in a terribly unstable house where picture frames are hung by scotch tape.

But the 7.2 quake that hit Mexcali yesterday afternoon was different.  For the first time in a long time, we experienced a legitimate earthquake.  Not like that little dink a few weeks ago, a 4.4 that coincidentally struck at 4:04 a.m.

Mexicali is about 160 miles south of where we live in Orange County.  By the time the force of the quake reached us, it was significantly less powerful, incapable of causing damage, but certainly nerve-rattling.

If you’ve never experienced an earthquake, there are two kinds: shakers and rollers.  Shakers violently jolt the landscape, knocking into homes and buildings in powerful waves, usually in short bursts.  Rollers, on the other hand, are similar to being in a boat on a choppy ocean and can last for quite a while.

What we got was a roller.

We were in the gym when it hit.  I was sitting on the floor and suddenly I felt like I swaying.  At first I thought I must have worked out really hard because it’s unusual that I would become nauseated at the gym, unless there’s a shirtless old guy with manboobs flopping around on the treadmill.

When I looked up, I noticed everyone in the gym standing still, arms outstretched as if trying to regain their balance, eyes surveying the ceiling, a surefire sign of an earthquake.

In an event like this, time seems to slow down.  This is when exaggerations are born.  Contrary to the word of drama queens, the gym rolled back and forth for about 35 or 40 seconds.  Wave after wave rolled through the room.  It felt like the room was on wheels, moving back and forth as if performing a dizzying dance.

Even after the quake had passed, it felt like we were still moving, similar to getting off an airplane.  It was uncomfortable enough to make everyone concerned, but not frightening enough to warrant ducking and covering.

Which got us to thinking: where would you duck and cover in a gym?  Or what about that poor guy getting Lasik when the quake hit?  Hopefully there was no unicycle high-wire juggling act being performed when it happened.

We left the gym and saw startled people standing in the street outside their apartments, speculating as much as were.  I figured it was a medium-sized local quake on the basis that I had been in classes where we experienced earthquakes stemming from a fault line that ran right directly under the school.  Even a 3.0 felt like an impending dinosaur attack.

Then we found out it was much bigger.  In fact, it was the largest quake to shake Southern California in almost two decades.

I’m not sure how big the quake was by the time it hit us.  I don’t know if that can even be quantified.  But what we do know is that a 7.2 quake is slightly more powerful than the largest, most powerful nuclear weapon ever detonated: the 50-megaton Tsar Bomba.

As we watched the news for updates and saw video of water swaying in people’s pools, we felt a few minor aftershocks.  5-something aftershocks aren’t minor, but by the time they reached us, the force was fading out.  By now there has been about 100 aftershocks, most of which we haven’t felt.

You know how some people look for danger?  They want to ride the largest waves.  Get close to the biggest tornadoes.  Escape avalanches.  See into the eye of a hurricane.

Well, you don’t even hear about earthquake tourism.  In a strange way, earthquakes are fun.  It’s unpredictable.  It’s like being on a ride.  It gets the adrenaline flowing.  It unites people and makes great conversation.

But I don’t think anybody comes to California hoping to experience an earthquake.  You can hide from a tornado in a basement.  You can escape a flood by getting to higher ground.  But there’s really nothing you can do in an earthquake except duck and cover and hope that the room above you isn’t the set of “The Biggest Loser.”

Admittedly, this quake was concerning.  We’ve been hearing about the long overdue “Big One” since we were kids trying to convince our friends to all jump at the same time and knock the planet off its axis.  Every couple of months a new story comes out where a scientist all but guarantees the “Big One” is going to hit soon, like this one from last month.

Maybe this time they’re right.  The chance that yesterday’s Mexicali quake triggers a larger quake within the next few days is 3-5%.  And with all the quakes this year, it kind of feels like the earth is building up to something big.

This time last year, there were only 5 earthquakes larger than 6.0 worldwide since the beginning of the year.  This year there have been 13. And some have been massive:

January 12    Haiti        7.0
February 27    Chile        8.8
March 14    Indonesia    6.4
March 14    Japan        6.6
April 4        Mexico        7.2

The media obviously keeps us in fear so we buy more products; more water, more canned goods, more batteries, more anything that can go into an earthquake readiness kit.

The History Channel, which has basically become The End Of The World Channel, likes to remind us that psychic Edgar Cayce predicted the west coast would be submerged into the ocean after an earthquake of unprecedented magnitude.

But that doesn’t stop people from visiting Southern California.  It doesn’t stop people from living here either.  I don’t see people packing up their cars and moving to the mountains.

Earthquakes don’t drive away tourism in California just like hurricanes don’t drive away tourism in Miami just like tornadoes don’t drive away tourism in the Midwest.  Wait, is there any tourism in the Midwest?

Anyway, it just reminds us all, residents and visitors, to be prepared in case of a quake.  That means don’t follow the advice on the news.  Everyone should know the basic rule: duck and cover.  However, the newscaster lady today seemed to have missed the California orientation meeting and made the mistake of confusing fire with earthquakes:

“Any time you feel shaking, stop, drop and roll.”