It’s not often that a graveyard is a major tourist attraction, but the Recoleta Cemetery in Buenos Aires falls into that category.  Many of Argentina’s most famous people are buried in this cemetery, including Evita.

But people don’t just come here for the dead residents… they also come to visit the living.

Recoleta Cemetery is home to almost a hundred friendly stray cats who casually walk up to visitors and beg to be pet… when they’re not loafing around and sunbathing, that is.   (Everyone knows cats are weird, but why would they want to live in a cemetery?)

The cats are unusually healthy for strays thanks to a group of older (probably single) women who feed, groom and care for them.  If only they put the same amount of enthusiasm into cleaning up all that cat crap.

Have you ever noticed how people feel entitled to receive a gift when you return from your travels?  I mean, you can’t visit another country without bringing back souvenirs for them.  Friends, family, co-workers… they need proof.  Proof that you traveled to where you say you traveled.

They want to taste what you tasted, hear what you heard, and see what you saw.  They don’t want another bedazzled hat that reads “I Heart (Whatever Place You Visited).”  They want something authentic.  And, you know, you might want something to remember your trip by as well.  So here’s a list of souvenirs to bring back from Argentina…

Malbec Wine

Sure, your ostentatious wine-loving friends back home brag about knowing every variety of Merlot made in the last 50 years.  But they might not know much about Malbec.  Malbec is a dark and fruity red wine produced in the Mendoza region of Argentina and it’s widely considered the national wine.  Thanks to a favorable exchange rate, you can add another cork to their collection for relatively little money.  An expensive, world-class bottle of Malbec can be purchased for less than $20.

Leather Goods

Argentina is one of the largest producers of beef in the world, and that means there’s a lot of genuine leather to be had at faux leather prices.  You can purchase a brand new, custom-made leather jacket for around $100 (it’s about $50 more expensive on the over-priced tourist shopping avenues).  And complete the ensemble with a new leather wallet or belt for $15.

Mate

Near every subway station, office building and tourist trap, you’re bound to see tables congested with strangely shaped decorative cups filled with a weird-looking mushy green substance.  It’s called mate and it’s a traditional South American drink that tastes like a fusion of tea and coffee.

A souvenir mate set, which includes a bag of yerba mate leaves, a mate gourd and a metal straw called a bombilla, is an inexpensive way to give your friends back home a taste of Argentina — sets can cost as little as $2.  Mate gourds are usually made from hollowed out calabash gourds, which is a fruit that was originally harvested to be used a container instead of food.  But you can find more elaborate mate cups in the form of concave cow hooves or bull horns as well.

Soccer Paraphernalia

Football is a source of pride for Argentina.  The country has one of the most successful national teams in the world, having won the most international tournament titles of any country (19, tied with Uruguay).  Every souvenir shop will have blue and white striped national team jerseys boasting the names of some of the country’s superstars, such as Lionel Messi.  You’ll also find football paraphernalia for the top two teams that play in Argentina’s national league (called the Primera Division): Boca Juniors and River Plate, both located in Buenos Aires.

Tango Music

The seductive dance of the tango originated in Argentina — danced between men waiting in line in brothels, to be exact.  On virtually every street you will find tango dancers performing for restaurant patrons, classes being taught to tourists, performances held in opulent theaters, and dancers strutting their stuff for change in touristy spots.  But if you don’t feel comfortable showcasing your new moves in front of your co-workers, at least you can bring back the essence of tango with music.  Tango music is the most abundant form of music available in Argentina, and CDs can be purchased for as little as $2.

Handmade Crafts

One of the best ways to introduce your friends and family to the culture of a foreign land is to bring back crafts created by its people.  Locals set up shop on major thoroughfares and popular squares to sell handmade crafts such as clothing, jewelry, pottery and housewares.  It’s a win-win situation: authentic keepsakes can be had for dirt cheap prices, and the locals are genuinely appreciative of your business.

Artwork

Postcards and t-shirts are always a popular souvenir, but they don’t really capture the spirit of a foreign land the way artwork does.  Most touristy areas are bound to have stalls featuring one-of-a-kind paintings and sculptures from local artists.

Yeah, it’s more expensive than a tacky postcard you can get at the airport, but the artistic depictions created by the locals are far more colorful, insightful and unique.  The two pieces of artwork we brought back from Argentina were our favorite souvenirs — a painting of Caminito Street in Buenos Aires, and a beautiful box for knick-knacks painted by an artist in San Telmo – and they cost less than $15.

Dulce de leche

Dulce de leche is a chewy candy similar to caramel, but more flavorful and more exotic.  Candy stores sell boxes of individually wrapped dulce de leche pieces, or you can buy alfajores, a dulce de leche-filled sandwich cookie.  Dulce de leche is also popular as a syrup that can be purchased by the jar at most markets.

Imagine a place where thick, tender, juicy, mouth-watering steaks are available on nearly every street.  Then imagine Buenos Aires, home of the ubiquitous parilla (grill).  Everywhere you look in the city, there’s a world-class parilla offering a high-quality steak from a well-cared for, grass-fed cow raised on small farms by gauchos in the countryside.  And thanks to a low exchange rate, it’s completely affordable.  So get ready to meet your protein quota for the year — here’s a list of our favorite parillas in Buenos Aires…

La Cabrera

Not only was this restaurant highly recommended by various food critics and guidebooks, it’s rated #1 out of 629 restaurants in Buenos Aires on TripAdvisor.  If that’s not enough to get you there, consider that the owners had to open a second restaurant a block away to accommodate the huge crowds (called Cabrera Norte).

Because of La Cabrera’s immense popularity, they crammed more tables than the space allows, so prepare to make new friends.  The first thing you can talk about is the amusing metal plates shaped like a sitting cow.  Then you can share the assortment of 15 complimentary side dishes that come with your meal, such as mashed pumpkin with raisins and cocktail onions soaked in red wine.  And at the end of the meal, you can brag about who made the best selection from a lollipop tree featuring flavors like dulce de leche.

When we visited, the restaurant was offering a wine special that featured a bottle of Malbec for dinner and a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon for us to take home for only $15 US.  The wine went perfectly with our juicy and flavorful marinated tenderloin.  Our incredibly helpful and attentive waiter recommended we share one steak dish and one appetizer since the portions were so large, so we went with the provoleta for our starter.  That left just enough room for a chocolate lava cake and a berry pavlova for dessert.  An appetizer, a dinner, 15 side dishes, two bottles of wine, four bottled waters, two desserts, tax and tip, all for less than $70 USD.

Cabrera 5099
54-11-4831-7002
http://www.parrillalacabrera.com.ar/

Cabaña las Lilas

This famous parilla in Puerto Madero has won more gold medals than Michael Phelps.  The steaks are arguably the best in the city thanks to beef that comes directly from the restaurant’s private ranch.  The exorbitant prices reflect the high quality of the beef, but it’s much more laid back than you’d expect from a high-class restaurant.  Even though this two-story parilla is huge, reservations are recommended, especially if you want a view of the water.

One word of caution, if you accept the tray of olives and deli meats that are presented to you, you’ll be charged a table cover; we skipped the cover since this place was already pretty expensive (about $20 a steak, not including side dishes) but that allowed us to completely devour our meat like we were tigers are on the Serengeti.  While we agree that these were one of the best steaks we had in Buenos Aires, a restaurant this expensive should be reserved for a night when you decide to break the bank.

Avenida Alicia Moreau de Justo 516
54-11-4315-1010
http://www.laslilas.com/restaurant.php

El Desnivel

Don’t judge a book by its tattered, bland cover.  Despite the yellow walls, the eye-burning fluorescent lighting, the theme-less decor, the mismatched table cloths, the tiny tables, the college-age clientele, and the nonchalant staff, El Desnivel was our favorite restaurant in Buenos Aires.

The provoleta and the high-quality steaks were so delicious, we questioned why we paid three times as much at other restaurants.  This was the only parilla we visited twice, and we weren’t the only ones — we saw some of the same diners on our second visit.

Luckily, this place is so big that you shouldn’t have any problem finding a table.  If you leave room for dessert, go with the rich and creamy homemade flan that comes with a thick dollop of freshly made whipped cream.

855 Defensa
54-11-4300-9081

DaDa Bistro

Word of mouth led us to this tiny bistro near Plaza San Martin serving modern Argentine cuisine.  It’s hard to miss the bright red facade, but getting a seat at one of the restaurant’s ten tables is far more complicated (reservations are highly recommended).  However, you can wait at the mosaic bar, order one of their popular martinis, and try to make sense of the dada design — disco balls, pop art and strangely designed lighting fixtures.

When we visited, just about everyone ordered the Lomo Dada, a 2-inch thick filet mignon with a light cream sauce and an equally large cube of cheesy potato au gratin designed like lasagna.

941 San Martin
54-11-4341-4787
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Buenos-Aires-Argentina/Dada-Bistro/32813121714

El General

The wood floors, wood seats, and wood banisters on the second floor of El General resemble an old west saloon more than a fine restaurant.  Although the expansive menu includes fish, chicken and Italian dishes, the real highlight is the page-long list of parilla offerings.  Every cut of cow was available in no-frills fashion (no toppings or sauces) and came with a choice of sides like French fries, cheese-covered rice or a potato pie called Pastel del Papa.

While waiting for your food to cook, the owners of the restaurant invite you to walk around and take a look at Peron family memorabilia.  The owners were once friends with Juan Peron, former president of Argentina, and his wife, Evita.  After that, you’ll need some time to explore the extensive wine list, though they recommend a few expensive ($75 US) bottles of Malbec.

Avenida Belgrano 561
54-11-4342-7830

Campo Bravo

On a corner with four parilla options, Campo Bravo was by far the most popular.  This large, minimally-designed restaurant was packed by the stylish people of Palermo.  And despite an up-scale menu featuring chic dishes like risotto and fancy salads, the huge steaks were the real draw.

The plates of food are spared decoration, but you don’t need a parsley garnish tarnishing steak this delicious.  The entire dining room was only managed by a couple of black-clad waitresses so service was a bit slow, but you’ll need time to sit and digest all that food anyway.  It wasn’t difficult to get a table at lunch, but word is the wait can be over an hour for dinner when the hip, young people start their night here.  Reservations aren’t accepted.

292 Baez
54-11-4514-5820

Argentina is one of those rare destinations where the food rivals the tourist attractions.  You’re likely to spend as much time eating or recovering from a food coma as you are snapping photographs of monuments and attractions.  Since a good portion of your day will be dedicated to consuming unheard of amounts of food, it’s beneficial to know what you’ll be eating so you can plan your method of attack.

There are a few things you have know before the gluttony begins.  First, whatever diet you’re currently suffering through… forget about it.  You’ve only got one life to live, so you might as well knock off a few months and indulge in all the greasy, fatty, salty delights that Argentina has to offer.  Argentine food is a combination of Spanish and Italian cuisines, two countries that produce a lot of recipes you won’t find in a healthy eating book.

Second, I’ve got some good news and bad news for vegetarians.  The bad news is, you won’t be eating much.  Seeing a vegetable in Argentina is about as common as seeing a shooting star.  But the good news is, starvation is a great way to lose weight fast, right?  No?  Oh.  Well, then there is no good news then.  Sorry, vegetarians.

Here’s a list of the staples of the glorious Argentine diet…

MEALS

Steak

Steaks in Argentina aren’t like the kind you get at the Sizzler — or even (gasp!) Outback — down the street.  They’re thick, juicy, tender and perfectly cooked every time.  You won’t need to drown your steak in a bottle of A1 either.  The meat from the grass-fed cows speaks for itself, with only a light sprinkling of salt and pepper accentuating the natural flavor.  If you like a little more flavor, chimichurri is almost always available as an accompaniment.  Chimichurri is a tangy sauce made of garlic, parsley, red pepper and olive oil.

Seeking out an amazing steak in Argentina isn’t tough either — the most common restaurant is a parilla, or barbeque, and each one serves up every cut of cow you can imagine.  The best part is, these delicious steaks can be found at many parillas for less than it would cost to buy an expiring steak at your grocery store.  Side dishes most often include potatoes, either mashed or fried, and corn, either creamed or grilled on the cob.

Fire Pit & Rotisserie Meats

With steaks this good in Argentina, it’s hard to imagine eating an animal other than cow, but if you must, you have options such as white meat and the other white meat.  Many parillas have two different cooking areas: a grill for steaks and a pit for pork, where butterflied pig carcasses crackle and pop over an open fire.  If you don’t want suckling pig or pork chops, you can get well-seasoned though often dry chicken at a rotisserie.

Sausage

Argentines eat a lot of animal, which means there’s a lot of nasty left over stuff that doesn’t normally sound delicious.  But take all that bloody mess, put it in an intestinal casing with some seasonings and offer it to me as a sausage, and I’m in.  The most popular sausage in Argentina is chorizo, a pork sausage that’s smoky and fatty, and very heavy for an appetizer.  Another popular sausage is morcilla, a blood sausage made of congealed cow or pork blood.

Empanadas

Mankind’s greatest and most useful invention, behind modern medicine and Super Soakers, has to be stuffed pastry.  Empanadas are pastries stuffed with meat like ground beef or chicken, then deep fried and served with a side of chimichurri.  Other fillings include ham and cheese, corn, squash, or even dessert items like chocolate.  Empanadas are generally fried, but the greasiness can sometimes be overwhelming.  That’s why we went crazy for the oven baked empanadas at a restaurant called Cumana in Buenos Aires.  Although empanadas are considered street food or appetizers at best, we ordered 7 or 8 empanadas each at Cumana and ate ‘em as a meal.

Provoleta

Barbequed cheese.  Those two words don’t sound like they should go together without there being a world of problems (and for us there was because we tried to recreate this Argentine treat at home with messy and dangerous results).  But somehow, someway, the magic-wielding chefs in Argentine parillas managed to find a way to grill an inch-thick slice of provolone cheese over an open fire without the disc melting away.  The crispy, grilled-marked shell of the provoleta protects the delicious, melting cheese on the inside, creating a massively unhealthy but sinfully delicious appetizer.  Sometimes the provoleta is cooked on the same grill as the steaks, so the cheese picks up a faint meaty flavor, though usually the oregano and olive oil coating masks the taste.

Pizza

The debate over which pizza is superior — thin crust or deep dish — has a new competitor, and it’s literally right in the middle.  Pizza is popular in Argentina thanks to a large Italian population, but it’s a little different than you’re used to.  Argentine pizza is a fork-and-knife concoction that looks like a Chicago style deep dish even though the crust is generally thinner like New York style pizza.  What makes the pizza so dense is the thick layer of cheese and liberal toppings like the mountain of onions you’ll find on the unique fugazetta pizza.  You can read about our two favorite pizza places in Buenos Aires here.

Italian Classics

Pizza isn’t the only popular Italian dish in Argentina.  Italian restaurants are widespread in Buenos Aires and they serve all the traditional dishes you’d expect to find: cannelloni, ravioli, and pasta.  But by now you’ve realized that Argentines like their food unhealthy, and that’s why the most common dish is Milanese, which is any kind of breaded and fried meat, most often chicken.

DESSERTS

The dessert menus in Argentine restaurants are usually short and sweet (pun intended) with no more than a handful of options.  If the provoleta and the steak didn’t fill you up, a flan will do the job.  Flan is a sweet and dense custard pie topped with a watery layer of crème caramel.  If, on the other hand, you’re looking for something lighter, you can’t go wrong with helado.  Helado is more similar to gelato than ice cream, and comes in all the flavors you’d expect, such as chocolate or dulce de leche, a classic South American flavor closely related to caramel.

BEVERAGES

Malbec Wine

You’re gonna need a nice red wine to wash down all that red meat, and Argentina has plenty to offer.  Their national variety is Malbec, a dark, robust and fruity wine that comes from the Mendoza region.  We’re no wine experts… actually, we barely qualify as wine drinkers… but the Malbec in Argentina was so delicious, we left behind some of our belongings to make room in our bags to bring home a few bottles.  Ok, we didn’t, but we would have if needed!

Natural Coke

Coca-Cola is the most famous brand name in the world, yet despite all its wealth, the company decided to increase its profit margins in 1985 by cheapening its product.  Instead of using natural sugar, Coca-Cola switched to the much sweeter high fructose corn syrup in most markets.  However, Argentina is one of the few markets that retained the original recipe.  So pick up a glass bottle and try Coke the way it was originally intended – naturally sugary.

Mate

It’s early in the morning and you stumble out of your hotel in search of coffee.  But there’s no Starbucks.  There’s no Coffee Bean.  There’s not even 4-day old gas station coffee.  Don’t worry, you can find a cup of pick-me-up in the form of mate.  It’s just as potent and just as addicting!  Read more about mate here.

If Beverly Hills and Paris mated, Recoleta would be their unfairly handsome and enviously wealthy child.  The popular district of Recoleta is one of the most expensive in Buenos Aires; it’s characterized by French-style architecture and city planning — elaborate mansions, well-manicured plazas, squares highlighted by statues — and renowned for its up-scale and exclusive restaurants, shops and hotels.

Here are the highlights…

La Recoleta Cemetery

Recoleta is all about wealth and status… even in death.  Only the rich and famous can afford to be buried in one of the most exclusive cemeteries in the world, turning Recoleta Cemetery into the final home of many of Argentina’s most prominent writers, artists, military heroes and politicians, including Evita and a host of former presidents.  The streets of Recoleta serve as a competition to construct larger and more eye-catching mansions and the cemetery is no different; each mausoleum is bigger, bolder and more braggadocious than the one prior, with dramatic stained glass windows, domes, plaques and statues vying for attention.

Avenida Alvear

There is more opulence on this stretch of 7 blocks than in the whole of many other countries.  Here, haute couture clothing shops are squished between magnificently designed mansions that evoke images of turn-of-the-century France.  Famous sights include the Duhau Palace (Park Hyatt Buenos Aires Hotel), Anchorena Palace (the Apostolic Nunciature to the Pope in Argentina), Hume House (the Secretariat of Culture) and the 5-star Alvear Palace Hotel.  The eastern end of the avenue ends at Plazoleta Carlos Pellegrini, a small park dedicated to the former president of Argetina, surrounded by two belle epoque palaces that are now embassies: Ortiz Basualdo Palace (French Embassy) and Pereda Palace (Brazilian Embassy).

Recoleta Cultural Center

Three-hundred years ago, this building was a Franciscan church and it was white.  Today it’s an exhibition hall and it’s pink.  The exterior is a pretty good indicator of what you’ll find inside: modern art presentations, experimental theater, political cartoon displays, concerts, classes, festivals, and even a kid’s science museum where it’s forbidden NOT to touch the exhibits.  It’s free to walk around this impressive network of rooms and courtyards, but the rotating exhibits and the kid’s museum will cost a few pesos.  You can play a game of human chess on the painted chess board on the veranda or grab a culturally insignificant lunch at the Hard Rock Cafe situated right behind the cultural center.

National Library of the Argentine Republic

Just as every attractive celebrity has a minor flaw that prevents them from being perfect, so too does Recoleta… and it’s called the National Library.  This bland, boring, brutalist construction almost seems like a mistake in such a refined neighborhood.  But just like a woman reading “He’s Just Not That Into You,” what she lacks in looks she makes up for in substance.  If you can read Spanish, you’ll revel in library’s collection of 2 million-plus works.  If you can’t read Spanish, you’ll enjoy the view of Recoleta from the reading room 21 floors above ground… if you can get in (security is tight so you need to have an explanation for why you’re visiting).

Buenos Aires Design Center

This diminutive mall is devoted entirely to interior design with cutting edge creations at Ikea prices.  Stores feature high-quality products designed by up-and-coming interior designers using local supplies.

Patio Bullrich

This mall serves as a reminder that not everything in Buenos Aires is cheap.  Patio Bullrich features 80 up-scale name-brand stores that are so expensive, they’re usually empty.  Instead, people congregate in the food court, one of the only affordable (though still pricey) things in the mall.  The real highlight is the classical architecture; this former livestock auction house retains its original glass dome, animal head sculptures, and a great clock.  Considered the most exclusive mall in the city, this is the place to see and be seen… but look and don’t touch anything.

Confiteria La Biela

Opened in 1850, this cafe across from the Recoleta Cemetery is one of the most important eateries in the city and a historical landmark.  The waitlist for a table is usually filled with the names of anybody who’s anybody in the city, and usually they take up the sidewalk seats where people-watching is like a fashion runway.  But the wait is worth it for affordable meals, including breakfast, which starts at 7 a.m.  Waiting in the heat isn’t a problem thanks to a 150-foot wide rubber tree called Gran Gomero that shades the patio.

National Museum of Fine Arts (MNBA)

Portenos have an unusual predisposition for pink buildings and this is yet another example.  The Museo Nacional de Bellas Artes is housed in a building that served as a drainage pumping station in the 19th century.  Today it showcases works from Van Gogh, Monet, Rodin and Renoir, as well as art from the pre-Renaissance period.  It also hosts the largest collection of 19th and 20th century Argentine artwork in the world.

Palais de Glace

Constructed in 1911, the Palais de Glace originally housed the first ice skating rink in the country.  Just 10 years later it was turned into a tango ballroom.  Since then it has become a national historic monument that hosts art exhibitions and occasional tango events.

Basilica de Nuestra Senora del Pilar

Dating back to 1732, this blindingly white church is the second oldest house of worship in the city and one of the best examples of colonial architecture in Buenos Aires.  Entrance to the church is free but the small religious art museum housed in the original and well-preserved convent will cost a few pesos.

National Museum of Decorative Art

Over 4,000 decorative objects are packed into every room in this lavish mansion.  For about $2 US, visitors can get a temporary taste of the good life by walking through bedrooms, ballrooms and even servant’s chambers to witness finely detailed furniture, silverware, sculptures, tapestries and paintings from the early 20th century.

Floralis Generica

We’re not sure what the national flower of Argentina is, but it should be this giant metal flower.  The 75-foot Floralis Generica, situated in United Nations Plaza, adjacent to the imposing University of Buenos Aires Faculty of Law building, is a photo-op at any time, but it’s best at dawn and dusk when the flower slowly opens and closes.

Buenos Aires turned out to be much different than we expected.  And because we weren’t fully prepared, things wound up being more complicated and took a little longer than they should have.  We don’t want you to get caught off guard by this exciting but sometimes confusing city, so we’ve come up with a list of things that every tourist should know before visiting Buenos Aires…

It’s Not English Friendly

Buenos Aires isn’t English-friendly.  Not only do the majority of residents not speak a word of English, they speak their language to you as if you know everything they’re saying.  They generally don’t make an effort to speak slower or use hand gestures or work with you to try and understand what they’re talking about — they just talk as fast as normal.  Buenos Aires is one of those cities where you can’t even get by on a few simple phrases; you have to have a cursory knowledge of Spanish just to make it through the day.  They seem to understand what you’re saying in English, they just don’t cater to you.

Argentines Speak Castilian

Argentines speak a slightly different version of Spanish called Castilian.  The Spanish word for “you” is “tú,” but in Castilian it’s “vos.”  Double-L’s sound like a “y” in Spanish, but in Argentina they sounds like a “j.”  So the word for chicken is pronounced poi-joh instead of poi-yo.  The Italian influence on the Castilian language is most noticeable in how people say goodbye; instead of “adios,” Argentines say “ciao.”

Malos Aires

You know how Disneyland is called “The Happiest Place On Earth,” but really it’s a breeding ground for arguments and whining and familial implosion and all that is unhappy?   Well, Buenos Aires suffers from a similar case of false advertising.  “Buenos Aires” means “good air” but there’s nothing good about it.  It’s smoggy and dirty, and the heavily polluted waters emanate a stinky trashcan smell that lingers in the air, especially in warm weather.

Crazy Drivers

Driving tests in Buenos Aires should also include a sanity check because those drivers are crazy — so crazy it deserves an underline and a bold.  Most intersections off the main avenues don’t have traffic lights, resulting in frequent “my life flashed before my eyes” moments.  You’re familiar with the 4-way stop at intersections, right?  Well, Buenos Aires is home to the “0-way stop”.  Pedestrians are viewed as pylons, like minor inconveniences that must be honked at, dodged at high speeds and possibly even plowed over if someone is in a rush.  Drivers create their own lanes, often turning a 5-lane road into an 8- or 9-lane racetrack.  If there’s room, motorcyclists weave their way through cars like a game of Pac-Man; if there’s no room, they use the sidewalk.  The only rule of the road is “hurry up and wait”: hit the gas just to close the tiny gap between you and the car in front of you… then slam the brakes and sit in traffic.  Drivers honk even when there’s nothing to honk at, as if it was a social activity.

Get Used To A Late Schedule

Everything is on a later schedule in Buenos Aires.  Long lunch breaks start after 1 p.m., and dinner begins around 9 or 10 p.m.  Restaurants and dance clubs often stay open until dawn. The entire city runs on a lackadaisically flexible schedule where nothing happens on time.  If a tourist attraction lists its opening hour at noon, it might not open until 1 p.m.  If someone says they’ll meet you for dinner at 11 p.m., they’ll meet you at midnight.  Delays are not just accepted in Buenos Aires, they’re encouraged.

Stray Animals Are Everywhere

Stray dogs in Buenos Aires are intelligent; they loiter around popular tourist spots in an effort to be noticed, often sleeping on monuments, mixing in with crowds of people, and barking near food stalls.  Stray cats, on the other hand, are too snotty to care about attention — they want comfort.  You’ll often find stray cats sunbathing in parks, sleeping on grass, and playing in bushes.

Watch Out For Dog Poop

For some reason, Argentina has yet to be utilize the cutting edge technology of the doggie walk bag, which is a high-tech device called a “plastic bag” that enables a dog-walker to swiftly scoop up poop and throw it away.  The result is sidewalks littered with dog poop.  Hence, you risk missing the beautiful architecture of Buenos Aires because you’ll be staring at the pavement on the lookout for landmines.

Rocky Walkways

Buenos Aires is not a walking city.  The streets should come with a warning sign you see before getting on a roller coaster: “no one nursing, pregnant or with a history of back or neck problems should attempt this ride; unexpected drops and turbulence ahead.”  The sidewalks are crackling and crumbling, the roads are filled with potholes and debris, and every street is a twisted ankle waiting to happen.

Daily Protests

There’s always something to complain about in Buenos Aires, and porteños make it a point to complain as loudly and as often as possible.  Multiple protests take place every day in the city, often shutting down streets near Congreso, Casa Rosada and the Obelisk.  More often than not, protests are peaceful, but riot place are always on guard just in case things get out of control.

Cash Only

Argentina suffered a financial collapse in 2001 that devalued the peso and made the once expensive city cheap to foreigners.  But the credit card ogres didn’t compromise and lower their often exorbitant processing and transaction fees.  In response, many stores and restaurants, even high-end ones, abandoned their credit card swipers and went cash only.

Keep Your Passport Handy

Whether it’s a bank or a casa de cambio (money exchange house), you’ll need your passport to exchange money.  (These facilities close at 3 p.m. during the week and aren’t open on the weekend, so you’ll have to stand in a long line weekday mornings.  They’re also very particular about the money they accept, so don’t give the tellers ripped bills or bills with markings.)  Some tourist spots also require you to check-in using your passport, and any kind of interaction with the police or government will require you to have your passport for identification purposes.

You Will Get Ripped Off

You may not get mugged at knife-point (though your odds increase dramatically in La Boca), but there are more than enough shady characters who rip off tourists in covert fashion.  A store may suddenly jack up its prices.  A vendor might stiff you on your change.  A taxi meter may run faster than normal.  If you don’t speak their language, there’s not a lot you can do to combat it.  Expect it to happen a couple times, but don’t get too worked up about it – the exchange rate is in your favor.

You see it everywhere in Buenos Aires.  Street vendors sell it near subway stations.  Groups of people gather to share it in public parks.  But what the heck is it?

It’s called mate (pronounced mah-tay) and it’s a drink made of brewed yerba plant leaves that have been dried and chopped into a powder.  The mixture is packed into a hollowed out gourd (confusingly called a mate) and mixed with hot but not boiling water.

The result is a completely unappealing-looking green mush.  After a few minutes of steeping, the liquid is slurped through a bombilla, which is a metal straw with tiny holes that filters out the chunks.

Despite its off-putting appearance, mate is more popular than coffee and tea… and it just so happens to taste like a combination of the two drinks.  The yerba infused water has a pungent, slightly bitter taste with earthy/woody notes, creating a taste that I can only imagine is comparable to licking hot water off an oak tree.  After a few sips, my throat felt a little smoky and dry as if I took a few puffs from a cigarette.

As unappetizing as that may sound, mate is surprisingly tasty.  No, it’s not really refreshing, but as the leaves soak and more of the leafy flavor is extracted, the bitterness fades and a natural, soothing flavor that warms the body comes through.

South Americans drink mate often because they say it’s good for the long-term health of your body and soul.  But we think mate is also popular because of its short-term effects.  Mate is naturally caffeinated, providing an instant burst of energy and alertness similar to strong coffee or an energy drink.  But unlike coffee or an energy drink, a cup of mate leaves can last up to a week by re-using them and simply adding hot water.  So not only is mate tasty and helpful when you’re running on empty, it’s also inexpensive.

When you think of food in Argentina, you probably think of slabs of beef sizzling over an open fire or delicious empanadas filled with meats and cheeses.  But did you know that Buenos Aires is one of the best places in the world for… pizza?

Yeah, pizza.  That artery-clogging delight you fall back on when you’re too tired to cook anything.  Everybody loves pizza.  Pizza may be the only food in the world where we’ll still eat the entire thing even if it isn’t good.

Most people think good pizza can only be found in New York or Chicago or, of course, in Italy, the world’s pizza headquarters.  But back in the late 1800s and early 1900s, tens of thousands of Italians immigrated to Buenos Aires, bringing some of their best pizza recipes with them.

Yet, for some reason, the world has been oblivious to the fact that some of the greatest pizza parlors in the world are operating in South America.  Well, it was our mission to find ‘em.  For the good of humanity, we put more research into this than a senior thesis, and I think our efforts were met with greater reward.

After extensive interrogations conducted in secret, under-lit rooms, we’ve narrowed down the best pizza in Buenos Aires to two well-respected, long-standing establishments:  Guerrin Pizzeria and El Cuartito.

Both pizzerias are inexpensive (less than $1 US a slice or about $7 for a large), both pizzerias serve thick and hearty slices that require a fork and knife, and both pizzerias offer an extensive menu loaded with Argentine classics (as well as empanadas and desserts).

A popular pie that’s unique to Argentina is the Fugazetta.  Soft and chewy freshly-made dough is brushed with a rich olive oil, then blanketed with a thick layer of cheese and topped with a Vesuvius-sized mountain of roughly chopped white onion.  This sweet and savory concoction would probably be more addicting if it weren’t so dense.

Fugazettas may also come with a slice of ham or prosciutto buried underneath the cheese.  There’s also a version that comes without cheese called a Fugazza.

Another popular pizza is the Especial, which both pizzerias claim as their own.  Each slice is coated with homemade marinara sauce, then bombarded with creamy mozzarella cheese, slices of ham, soft and tangy red bell pepper, and topped with green olives (pit included).

You probably won’t find pepperoni on the menu but you will find the Spanish version, a mildly spicy sausage called chorizo.  Other toppings include vegetables (but if you’ve gone this far, why try to pretend like you’re being healthy now?), anchovies, and a choice of mozzarella or provolone cheese.

There’s also an unusual topping called a faina, which is a piece of bread the width of a pita made of chickpeas, flour and seasonings.  For people who consider forks and knives too much work, the faina turns a slice of pizza into a sandwich that can be handheld.

Both Guerrin and El Cuartito were delicious, and way better than any pizza we regularly order in the States.  But, if we had to choose between the two, we’d probably give Guerrin the victory.  After all, we DID have lunch there three times in our 8-day trip.

Buenos Aires is like the South American version of New York City — it’s loud, it’s congested, and it’s been called “the city that never sleeps.”  We, on the other hand, value sleep as if it were a commodity facing extinction.  So we wanted to stay in a hotel that was quiet and comfortable yet still connected to the city.  That’s why we chose Moreno 376.

Moreno 376 is a 4-star boutique hotel located in the heart of San Telmo, a safe and historic district packed with important buildings, designer stores and more antique shops than your grandmom could ever jitterbug her way into.  This centrally-located hotel is only 2 blocks from the most important destination in Buenos Aires, Plaza de Mayo.  It’s very close to metro stations, banks offering fair exchange rates, and there’s even a small, affordable market right around the corner.

The Art Deco hotel building, constructed in 1928, was the former home to a publishing company.  Now it contains 39 rooms spread over 6 floors.  The stairwells still harbor the building’s original stained-glass windows depicting scenes of things such as industry and agriculture.

The lobby has golden-rod banisters, and the sea-foam green tile walls and checked floor in the long hallway entrance serve as a portal to another time.

If that isn’t enough to transport you to the past, perhaps the classic wrought-iron elevator will do the trick.

Our room on the top floor, despite being the smallest and least-expensive room Moreno offered, was the equivalent of a loft, with tons of space and a ceiling so high we could’ve played a game of basketball (the dark hardwood floors would lend itself to that too).

The room was designed with a minimalist approach (white walls, white drapes, no paintings), but included some dramatic flair (a red chair, a red light-up closet, and track lighting with a dimmer switch).  There was also a small wet bar and refrigerator in the room.

The king size bed was really two beds pressed together, but we didn’t notice a gap.  The linens were bright, clean and comfortable, and the four pillows were thick and fluffy.  The down comforter was great as well.

Hanging from the wall was a small LCD flat-screen TV with over 60 channels featuring a handful of English-language stations (though all they seemed to play were episodes of “Family Guy” or early ’90s horror movies).

The bathroom wasn’t as spacious as the room, but it did include a bidet.  Now, in the past, we’ve complained about British-style showers and their head-scratching absence of a shower door, or at the very least a shower curtain.  Even though this shower lacked a decent-sized partition that would have prevented water from spraying everywhere, its awesome design made up for it.

Instead of standing in a slippery bathtub, the shower floor was covered with wooden planks that provided stability and a faint woody smell.  The powerful shower head was a depressing reminder that we have a water shortage back home in California and, thus, really weak streams of water.  Unfortunately, the hot water supply at the hotel doesn’t last long, so we were lucky to get through two 10-minute showers each morning.

There’s a rooftop terrace with views of the nearby churches, a 24-hour gym and an exterior Jacuzzi.  The hotel also has a pricy restaurant serving creative foods (that means things with foam and unheard of spices) and over 300 wines, as well as a 130-seat theater for live musical performances and tango shows.  A free continental breakfast is served in the restaurant and complimentary Wi-Fi is available anywhere in the hotel (though the signal frequently dropped out during busy times in the early evening).

One last great thing about Moreno 376: the name of the hotel is also the address, making it easy for taxis to locate.

Despite the desirable exchange rate, hotels in Buenos Aires can be quite expensive.  We found Moreno 376 to be one of the few boutique hotels that offers 4-star accommodation at a 2-star price — our rooms was about $70 a night, including breakfast and Wi-Fi.

Buenos Aires is a sprawling city of 13 million people crammed into 48 districts.  With numbers that large, a list of things to see and do could easily get overwhelming.  So to make your task less daunting, we’ve narrowed it down to 10 things every tourist should do in Buenos Aires.

10.  Walk Caminito street.

The seedy barrio of La Boca is home to Caminito street, a colorful oasis of artists, tango dancers and over-priced souvenirs.  The histrionic antics of people trying to lure you into their stalls and restaurants make this the most touristy area in Buenos Aires.  However, the brightly colored corrugated steel houses of early Italian immigrants (called conventillos) provide some of the most unique and picturesque architecture in the city.  The street is lined with paintings and sculptures, and there’s even a nearby wax museum (at 1261 Del Valle Iberlucea) that depicts scenes from colonial times to present (most likely devoid of the “tattooed gangsters robbing tourist” scene).

9.  Relax in the parks of Palermo.

Palermo is the largest barrio in Buenos Aires, yet despite its size it is considered the most exclusive neighborhood.  Much of Palermo is occupied by a vast system of lush green parks and gardens replete with shady picnic areas, walking trails, lakes and colorful foliage.  The complex is made up of the Botanical Gardens, Japanese Gardens, Zoological Gardens, Rose Gardens and the Parque Tres de Febrero (called the Palermo Woods) and also includes major attractions such as the world-famous polo grounds, a horse racing track, the Galileo Galilei Planetarium and a plethora of monuments.

8.  Shop for inexpensive leather.

Thanks to a fortuitous exchange rate (currently 3.8 pesos to 1 American dollar) and a carnivorous culture that supplies an abundance of cow carcass, leather goods like saddles, belts, boots and even cup holders are ridiculously inexpensive.  Custom-made leather jackets can be purchased for as low as $100 on popular shopping streets like Calle Florida, Avenida Santa Fe and Avenida Corrientes.

7.  Cross the Bridge of Woman.

The Puente de la Mujer is a pedestrian footbridge that spans the third dock in Puerto Madero.  This barrio is the only neighborhood in the world where all the streets are named after important women in Argentine history, and the Bridge of Woman continues that theme.  The bridge, an abstract representation of a couple dancing the tango, doesn’t provide much of a romantic view (unless you consider old cranes and brick buildings with Hooters restaurants and trash bobbing atop muddy waters romantic).  Adjacent to the bridge is the Frigate Sarmiento, a retired Navy vessel that circumnavigated the globe six times; it’s now a ship museum.

6.  Buy something old at the San Telmo antiques fair.

Even if you’re not a decrepit, silver-haired woman looking to complete her thimble collection, you’re bound to find something rusty to take home at the San Telmo antiques fair.  Every Sunday from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m., Plaza Dorrego packs in hundreds of stalls with vendors selling everything from inaccurate old maps to used military uniforms to offensive negro dolls to jewelry and watches that Grandpa Rigor Mortis doesn’t need anymore.  The entire street of Defensa, which runs through Plaza Dorrego, is also closed down on Sunday and lined with stands selling antiques, handmade jewelry, original paintings, retro clothing, and mate cups with fresh mate (a popular South American beverage).

5.  Check out the Floralis Generica.

The Floralis Generica, which may or may not translate to “the big metal flower,” is a 75-foot tall steel and aluminum sculpture of a flower located in United Nations Plaza.  The flower remains open during the day but wilts shut at sundown.  United Nations Plaza, adjacent to the University of Law building, is one of the few places in Buenos Aires you don’t have to worry about stepping in dog poop — dogs are off-limits.

4.  Visit Evita’s grave at the Recoleta Cemetery.

The Recoleta Cemetery is like a microcosm of Buenos Aires: a gridded layout that’s easy to navigate, structures designed in the Art Nouveau style, and plenty of stray animals.  You won’t find any hedge stones in this cemetery; instead, you’ll find opulent mausoleums larger than my apartment, adorned with religious statues and stained glass windows.  Many famous porteños are buried here, but the only person you’ll remember from your high school history books is Eva Peron, the controversial First Lady of Argentina from 1946-1951.  Even though she’s buried 27-feet below ground in a concrete tomb capable of withstanding a nuclear attack, we’re pretty sure she rolled over when Madonna played her in “Evita”.

3.  Eat a steak in a parrilla.

Like any major city, Buenos Aires is a melting pot of gastronomy with basically every genre of food available.  But the ubiquitous parrilla (Spanish for barbeque) is by far the most popular dining option.  Argentina’s well-maintained grass-fed cows produce some of the most tender, moist and juicy cuts of beef in the world.  And with so much meat available, high-quality steaks and huge portions (we’re talking 2-pound slabs of beef) are incredibly cheap.

2.  Dance the tango.

Buenos Aires is the birthplace of tango.  You can’t walk a block without seeing a tango hall, tango workshop center, tango music store or tribute to Carlos Gardel, “The King of Tango.”  This seductive dance form is a hallmark of Argentine culture, one that you must partake in to truly experience the porteño lifestyle.  Despite its current reputation as a classy dance, the tango has rather dubious origins.  A hundred years ago, brothels were like the DMV where men had to wait hours before a woman became available; so men started to dance with each other to pass the time, hence tango was conceived (hopefully the only thing conceived in the brothel).

1.  Walk historic Avenida de Mayo.

The best place to understand and appreciate Buenos Aires is on Avenida de Mayo.  The two-mile stretch between Plaza del Congreso and Plaza de Mayo features most of the city’s important historical and architectural attractions.  On one end is Congreso, the Argentine National Congress building that looks strikingly similar to The White House, and on the other end is Casa Rosada, the presidential headquarters or “Pink House” as it is commonly called because the facade was originally painted with cow’s blood that dried and turned pink.

A walk along Avenida de Mayo will also take you to the striking neoclassical Casa de Cultura, the Cabildo (the last remaining public building dating back to colonial times), the Metropolitan Cathedral (a church containing the remains of General Jose de San Martin, “The Father Of The Nation”), Cafe Tortoni (the most famous cafe in the city), and Palacio Barolo (designed to symbolize Dante’s “Divine Comedy” and topped with a lighthouse that represents salvation).  Half way through you’ll cross Avenida 9 de Julio, the largest avenue in the world, featuring a 220-foot tall Obelisk.

Tours and museums are available in many of these buildings, but plan your schedule around the march of the Madres de Plaza de Mayo at 3:30 p.m. every Thursday.  The mothers continue to march in honor of the 30,000+ children who were kidnapped during Argentina’s Dirty War from 1976-1983, many of who still clutch pictures of their own missing children in the hope that they will one day return.