When I got the chance to spend a week in South Africa’s “mother city” I was extremely excited at the prospect of all the amazing animals and bird life I’d see.

My first port of call was to see those elegant little birds in tuxedos.  Who doesn’t love penguins?

And Cape Town’s Boulders Beach is one of the best places to find them.

Slightly nervous that these cute little water birds would be shy, I was assured that my concerns were unnecessary and I would certainly see some on my day out.

I shouldn’t have worried at all.

There I was, lounging on the beach beneath the warm African sun and looking out at the glittering Indian Ocean when two short shadows fell across my legs. When I looked over, expecting to see perhaps a couple of small children playing near my towel, I found a pair of penguins just meandering towards the ocean for a dip.

While there are some 27 locations where these little guys live along the cape coast, they are still endangered. But don’t let that stop you from popping along to swim alongside them in the ocean at Boulders Bay.

Next was a day with the Big 5.

I headed out with a friend with a car through the stunning wine lands to Sanbona Wildlife Reserve.  The drive is some 3.5 hours so an overnight stay is certainly worth the effort.

This park has everything, and the afternoon game drive we caught after our arrival was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I’ve always loved photography and thank goodness for the invention of the digital camera, because there wouldn’t have been enough film in an entire suitcase to cover the amount of pictures I took while riding in the back of that Jeep.

Lions, giraffes, elephants, springboks, steenboks, even a white rhino, to name a few, graced us with their presence.

Best of all for me were the cheetahs, which brings me to my last stop.

Statuesque when still and so elegant and sleek as they athletically run over the plains, and I defy anyone not to melt when they look at a cheetah’s warm sad face with their black tear stripes running down from the eyes.

Not satisfied with seeing them from a distance, I wanted to get up close.

As we drove back towards Cape Town we took a minor detour to the Spier Wine Farm near Stellenbosch, home to an outreach Cheetah Sanctuary. Not only did we enjoy the most incredible meal at the winery, but I actually got to play with a 6-month old cub – definitely the highlight of an utterly animaltasic week.

You can see more photos from Cape Town on this page.

Liah S Thorley is a travel writer for MyDestination.com/CapeTown and novelist from the UK. She has travelled extensively and particularly enjoys history and the arts.

The Sahara Hotel and Casino in Vegas is set to close in May, and man I’m going to miss that dump.  Sure, it was old and dingy.  Sure, it was a little off the beaten path.  Sure, I always checked the closet, the shower, and underneath the bed for dead bodies and/or murderers anytime I stayed there.  But, you know what, it was cheap.  And in a city that’s dominated by overpriced billion-dollar resorts, I appreciated Sahara’s value.

You never knew what you'd find when you stayed at Sahara

Perhaps I’m more sentimental about Sahara because it’s where I stayed for my 21st birthday in 2004 (which also happened to be the weekend of the Kentucky Derby).  And again to celebrate New Year’s Eve in 2006.  And still once again over a long Memorial Day weekend last year.  I guess what I’m saying is that Sahara was always there for me when I couldn’t AFFORD to stay anywhere else.  Rooms at the big-name Strip resorts were running more than $400 a night for New Year’s weekend, while I got THREE nights at the Sahara for less than half that total.  And you know what?  I kind of enjoyed making up stories about where each knife slash and stain in the carpet came from. 

These slashes were clearly from a drug deal gone awry...

Ok, so maybe it was annoying that the TV never seemed to work properly, and, yeah, I was always a little scared that the elevator was going to give out at any time, and okay fine, the NASCAR-themed stuff in the lobby wasn’t really for me.  But having $1 blackjack available right downstairs was a treat worth making sacrifices for.  The dealers and the clientele weren’t stuffy like any of the other Strip hotels.  I had some of the most interesting conversations of my life while playing table games at the Sahara.

I'm pretty sure we upgraded to the "Deluxe" tower to get this sweet pad

It wasn’t luxurious, but it was always fun.  And in Vegas, that’s really all I’m looking for.  So it’s with a heavy heart that I bid farewell to my OG Strip hotel.  Thanks for the memories…

When you think of states you’re dying to visit in your lifetime, where exactly does Delaware rank?  For me, it was somewhere above Montana and below Rhode Island.  And yet, for some reason, I just returned from a weekend in The First State.

I didn’t know much about Delaware going in other than the fact that it’s shaped like a more-svelte version of Idaho, and the Tea Party witch Christine O’Donnell was from there.  So when I was invited to spend a weekend in Bethany and Rehoboth Beach in southern Delaware, I couldn’t refuse.

Delaware was everything I imagined it to be… which is to say, not much.  After nearly 40 hours in the state, I still don’t know anything about Delaware.  Except for maybe on key thing:  It’s fantastic for shopping.  See, Delaware is only one of five states in the U.S. that doesn’t impose a sales tax on retail goods.  When you combine that with the MECCA of outlet shopping… Rehoboth Beach… it’s game over.  I was hooked after I stepped into the first store.  I’ll never look at a Macy’s the same way again.

Besides outlets, southern Delaware is known for it’s beaches and boardwalks.  We spent the afternoon at Rehoboth Beach, but walking along the boardwalk left a lot to be desired.  The busy season doesn’t officially begin for another few weeks, so about half the stores were closed.  But, when you’ve just spent the afternoon walking through aisle after aisle of factory-discounted merchandise, it didn’t really matter that a few full-price stores were closed.  Come May, this place will be insane.

In the end, I’m grateful to have been given the chance to visit a state that probably should have taken me at least another 20 years to get crossed off my bucket list.  I’m leaving Delaware with an appreciation for tax-free shopping, a discerning eye for deals, and the ability to say “I’ve been to Delaware.” What more could you ask for?

After spending several days in New Orleans for New Year’s,  it’s difficult to piece everything together in a coherent and/or chronological manner.  Fortunately the photographic evidence of our visit isn’t incriminating.  Here are some thoughts and pictures from our time in New Orleans…

***

There isn’t much to do in New Orleans beyond the French Quarter.  Okay, that’s not fair, there is stuff — some parks and a zoo — but nothing special enough to risk getting mugged or killed to see (yes, it really is that dangerous).  Since the French Quarter is really the only thing that’s specific and unique to New Orleans, you’ll spend a lot of time there — as we did.

There’s two ways you can go with this: drink your ass off or learn some history.  The drinks will find you.  You have to find the history.  Since people usually go with the route of less work, drinking takes precedence.

But we’re equal opportunists — and multi-taskers! — so we took the booze with us and went searching for the back stories, not a difficult thing to do when every street features a plaque detailing some interesting history. 

Take, for instance, the Le Pretre Mansion, where in 1839, a Turkish man, who was the brother of a sultan, was found dead in ritualistic fashion alongside a bevy of young beautiful women that the Turk apparently stole from the sultan.  Their murders remain an unsolved mystery (though using our detective skills, we’ll venture a guess and say it was the sultan) and some people say you can still hear the screams of the victims on some nights.

Then there’s the LaBranche House, which is considered the most photographed house in all the French Quarter.  Since that’s the case, here’s another to add to the collection.

This is the Le Monnier Mansion, the first “skyscraper” in the French Quarter.  Just look at it scraping the sky four stories high.

Since you can get kind of bogged down with details about unfamiliar historical figures, it’s just fun to walk through the French Quarter and admire the architecture and the ironwork on the balconies without fear of being vomited on (that’s specific to Bourbon Street, which is aesthetically the least attractive, but most fun, street in the French Quarter anyway).

***

People on the East Coast travel to Atlantic City to drink, gamble and party.  West Coasters head to Las Vegas.  Southerners and Mid-westerners go to New Orleans.

But the great thing about New Orleans is that it’s a condensed version of both of those cities.  You don’t have to take a taxi to strip club or wander from bar to bar at the hotels, all your vices are conveniently located on Bourbon Street.  That makes it so much easier, and so much more dangerous.  Because inevitably you’ll wind up smashed — and broke — much faster.

***

We only saw three — count ‘em, THREE — nude breasts on Bourbon Street. That’s one and a half women, or just one three-boobed girl from Total Recall.

Oddly, we saw a lot of nude man-boobs. The tradition of flashing for beads has now been adopted by men. Perhaps it’s to guide women who are confused about how to obtain beads by sacrificing their integrity, or men just like cheap plastic beads as a fashion statement.

***

You can’t walk down Bourbon Street without seeing people drinking a hand grenade.  It’s supposedly the strongest drink available (though we’re pretty sure the smoothies made with Everclear are much more potent), which is why it’s also the most popular.  Plus, any drink that comes in a device that looks like a weapon is good in our book.

But the drink we loved the most is an overlooked little treasure called The Shark Attack.  It’s not just the ingredients that make this drink great, it’s also the production value.  When you order a Shark Attack, the bartender furiously rings a bell, flicks on a siren and alerts everyone to “get out of the water!”  Then he takes a plastic toy shark, fills it with grenadine and jams it into a cup, making it look as if the shark just brutally killed someone.  Something tells us that a real shark attack isn’t this fun.

Another drink that is exclusive to New Orleans is sazerac, a combination of cognac, rye whiskey and absinthe. Yes, it’s just as strong as it sounds. But it’s a much more refined drink you’d find in a classy bar away from Bourbon Street.

***

We don’t know how people eat Cajun and Creole food on a regular basis.  Even more confusing is how they stay alive past 28 years of age.

The food in New Orleans, while delicious, is frighteningly dense.  If it’s not fried, it’s made with five sticks of butter.

Famous charbroiled oyster at Acme Oyster House

We felt disgustingly unhealthy and bogged down after every meal, which included gumbo, jambalaya, pasta, fries with gravy, fried seafood, muffuletta sandwiches and po boy sandwiches.

At one point we needed a break to eat something healthy and combat the ill effects of eating all that dense food.  Finding a restaurant that serves food even remotely healthy was a challenge in and of itself.  We finally came upon a sandwich shop near our hotel that served salads.

So I ordered a tuna salad… which the woman behind the counter made with her bare hands… immediately after washing down a counter with a dirty rag.  We’re positive that there is no such thing as a health standards office in Louisiana.

Beignets at Cafe du Monde

***

You know a city is dangerous when you receive more than one warning from the locals.  For the most part we heard a simple “stay safe” or “be careful.”  But this one lady who saw us walking down St. Charles, a busy thoroughfare by the way, came right up to us and without even introducing herself or saying hi went right into this: “What you need to do is take that camera off your neck and hide it in your sweater, because someone will come up to you and hit you and steal your camera.  And they’ll steal whatever else you got too.  So don’t be looking around like you’ve never seen any of this before.  You keep your eyes forward, act like you know where you is and hide your valuables.”  How comforting.

Honestly, out of all the cities we’ve visited, New Orleans has been the only city where we constantly felt unsafe.  This sign didn’t help any…

***

Speaking of St. Charles, the ride on the street cars is a lot of fun… if you can get on them.  If you don’t get on at the first or last stop, you’re not getting on; tourists remain on the street car for the entire ride up and down St. Charles.  And since nobody gets off, nobody gets on.

***

Voodoo is awesome.  Why put effort into having someone fall in love with you when you can just put a spell on them?  It’s the lazy person’s way of getting what they want.

But now it’s mainly a tourist trap.  The French Quarter is littered with voodoo shops selling potions, spell packets, puppets, masks, candles and other fascinating and bizarre artifacts for people who are curious about voodoo but too scared to mess with the real thing.

On the other hand, people who truly believe in voodoo head to St. Louis Cemetery No. 1 to visit the graves of Marie Laveau and her daughter of the same name, both of whom were high priestesses in Louisiana voodoo.  It’s said that if you place an offering and write three X’s on their tomb, your wish will be granted.

Some of the offerings were just silly, like Blockbuster membership cards, a Walmart gift card, empty bottles of beer, dead batteries, beads… but the one offering that really freaked us out was a dead snake.

Everyone knows that when you sacrifice an animal, your wish is always fulfilled.

***

We stayed at this really nice hotel called The Roosevelt, which had beautiful holiday decorations set up in the lobby.

As classy as that was, we couldn’t get over the fact that the tile on the floor looked like boobs.

***

When the New Year’s crowd left, fans of Arkansas and Ohio State took over the city for the Sugar Bowl.  Suddenly the streets were overrun with unfamiliar chants and confusing terminology.  The fans seemed to get along despite rooting for different teams, but we felt completely out of place.

But that didn’t stop us from attending an Arkansas pep rally at the Sugar Bowl Fan Fest.  We’ve never watched an Arkansas football game, let alone even been to the state of Arkansas, but this was such a random opportunity for two people from Southern California that we couldn’t pass it up.  Plus, we got to see the Sugar Bowl trophy, which was of no significance to us, but still impressed us with how important it looked.

***

In all honesty, we stayed way longer in New Orleans than we should have.  Two days is a perfect amount of time to check out the opulent houses in the Garden District, walk the French Quarter, drink the night away on Bourbon Street and recover for half a day before going out one last time in an attempt to accumulate as many beads as possible.  Just make sure to bring a Power Bar to offset all that Cajun cuisine.

After our road trip to Sedona and Tucson, the plan was to drive home as quick as possible.  No breaks, no rest stops, just get there.

Everything was going according to plan… for about an hour.  Then we saw this sign:

“Feed the ostriches”

Ostriches?  Those goofy looking things!  We had never seen an ostrich outside of cartoons when we were kids, so we immediately pulled off highway.

The signs got better and better.  “Feed the deer.”  “Feed the lorikeets.”  “Feed the donkeys.”

The Rooster Cogburn Ostrich Ranch in Picacho, Arizona sounded like paradise!  And it was… until we met the ostriches.

Ostriches are officially the a-holes of the animal kingdom.  Not that we blame them.  If we looked like a giraffe-turkey hybrid, we’d be pissed at the world too.

They’re not graceful at all.  There’s no delicacy in anything they do.  You know how small birds peck at food?  Well, imagine a 7-foot tall bird doing that.  Then suddenly those pecks go from cute to terrifying.

Here’s an example…

Cute:

Terrifying:

See!?

They don’t kindly and carefully take the food out of your hand.  They lunge at it.  And they pretty much miss every time.  So you have this big, powerful beak attached to a long, gawky neck that towers over you, and it’s pecking at you without any firm direction or regard for your safety.

It’s pretty cool to say we’ve actually fed an ostrich — how many people can say that they did that and didn’t lose a finger? — but it was a freakishly jarring experience.

The other animals were way more our style.

We fed the deer.

And the donkeys.

And the goats.

Notice how calm, cooperative and non-bitey they are?

However, the highlight was definitely the rainbow lorikeets.

We would totally go out of our way to visit this place again, especially to go on their monster truck tour.  But next time, the closest we get to the ostrich… is the ostrich jerky.

How well do you really know your neighbors?  Beyond the cursory “hellos”, you probably don’t know them THAT well.  But it’s always a safe idea to get to know your neighbors and stay on their good side.  That’s why we decided to go on a road trip to Arizona.

We’ve already visited two of California’s neighbors: Oregon, on our road trip to the Winter Olympics, and Nevada too many times to be considered healthy.  But for some reason we’ve overlooked Arizona.  It’s always the quiet, unassuming ones you’ve gotta watch out for.  So we embarked on a five-day mission to find out what Arizona is all about.  Here’s the official report…

***

We kept our schedule loose and flexible.  In fact, we didn’t do much research before we got into the car.  We were at the whim of any road signs that directed us to things that sounded important or interesting.

It only took few hours of driving before we came upon a sign that led us to our first detour: Montezuma Castle National Monument.

We’ve heard the name Montezuma before, but it’s always followed by the word “revenge,” which isn’t comforting when you’re driving miles out of your way to visit a place that could potentially strike you down with an explosive case of traveler’s diarrhea.

Fortunately, Montezuma Castle had nothing do with Montezuma’s revenge.  Actually, it didn’t have anything to do with the Aztec emperor Montezuma at all.  But it was kinda castle-ish.

Montezuma Castle is actually a cliff-dwelling built by the indigenous Sinagua people in the 8th century.  When European Americans stumbled upon it in the 1860s, they mistakenly attributed the cliff-dwelling to Montezuma, even though he never made it that far north.  But we don’t blame them for their mistake; it’s not like they were very good at geography.  Just stumbling upon this cliff-dwelling proves they were lost… it’s in the middle of nowhere.

Even though Montezuma Castle doesn’t look that big, it contains 20 rooms and used to house 50 people, kind of like an ancient college dorm but without Cheetohs and an XBox 360.  Must have been a miserable time.

***

When you’re driving, some highways offer picturesque views.  Most in Arizona don’t.

But every now and again you come upon a sight so unusual that it makes up for the boring drive.

This particular sight was on the I-17, about 30 minutes north of Phoenix.

We’re driving along, whizzing by big, bushy Juniper trees lodged in the median, when up ahead we see something peculiar.

There’s glimmering white strands and shimmering red orbs and a mess of shapes and colors about six feet high.

And as we get closer to it, we realize that it’s… a Juniper tree decorated like a Christmas tree.

None of the others had decorations.  Just this one random tree.

There are no towns close by, so someone had to go far out of their way to decorate this tree.  What’s really strange is that this particular tree has been decorated every November for the last 20 years, and no one knows who’s doing it, according to roadsideamerica.com.  We want answers.  This is too strange not to have a purpose.

***

It was sundown by the time we arrived at the Sedona Rouge Hotel & Spa, and since Sedona is only famous for two things, red rocks (which can’t be seen at night) and vortexes (which can’t be seen… ever), there was nothing else to do but eat dinner and hit the sack early.

The next morning we tested our motion sickness limits with an off-roading adventure by Pink Jeep Tours.  Sure, it kinda goes against what Sedona is known for — relaxation — but we made up for it by spending the rest of the day driving around, admiring the scenery and going on hikes.

We saw a church built into the rocks…

…walked around Bell Rock…

…spent a few quiet moments with nature inside a little canyon we stumbled across…

…and enjoyed a stroll on the rocks along Oak Creek.

But the coolest and most daring thing we did was hike up a steep climb to Overlook Point.

There were about 8 trails to the top.  We happened to the pick the most difficult.

But we didn’t realize that until later.

We saw an older, heftier couple making their way up the hill, and decided to take their route.  Lesson learned: it’s wrong to assume that just because people look physically incapable of climbing doesn’t mean they take the easiest path.

At one point, the trail narrowed, with steep drops on either side.  But we forged ahead.  Slowly.

Then a tree got in the way.  The only thing to do was to grip onto this pesky, flimsy little tree blocking the path and hope we don’t rip it out of the mountain and hurtle to our deaths.

When we finally made it to the other side of the tree, it looked like we hit a dead end.

We couldn’t go right because there was a drop.  We couldn’t go straight because there was a wall of rock.  And it didn’t look like we could go left because there was a sharp slope and clusters of unstable rock.

We had to make a life and death decision, and the verdict was… we had come too far.  We weren’t going to turn around now.

So we sprawled out, put our hands and feet on the rocks, and did our best Spider-man impression as we made our way across the slope.

It was all worth it for the spectacular view at the top.  We got to the pinnacle right as the sun dipped below the red rocks and the coyotes began to howl at the moon.

We spent an abnormally long time at Overlook Point coming up with a plan for how we would descend this thing, firmly believing that we might be stranded there until help arrived in the morning.

Then a family of seven showed up, making the climb look questionably simple.  They snapped a few photos, took in the vista and began to descend the mountain.  We immediately tagged along.

This route didn’t have any life or death moments.  No sharp drops.  No narrow passages.  No problematically placed trees.  It was an easy descent.

Next time we’ll read the placard at the base of the hill that lists the difficulty of the trails.

***

On the drive back to the hotel, we saw a deer dart out of the trees and bounce across four lanes of traffic, narrowly missing cars before it disappeared into the bushes.

About 50 yards later, we saw a deer crossing sign.

That would have been useful earlier.

***

We considered making our way east, through the Painted Desert and Petrified Forest, then doubling back and hitting the Grand Canyon, but on our last night in Sedona, the weather report forecasted major rainfall in that area so on a whim we decided to head south to Tucson.

On the way down to Tucson, another sign pulled us off the road: Casa Grande Ruins National Monument.

“Casa” means house.  “Grande” means big.  Big house?  Let’s check this prison out!

When we arrived, we realized it wasn’t the ruins of a prison, rather the remains of a 4-story adobe structure constructed by the ancient Hohokam people.

It’s a pretty impressive structure considering the resources they had… and the fact that it’s in the middle of nowhere.

***

Games are a great way to make the drive less boring.  So we brought along an electronic 20 Questions game.

If you’ve never played 20 Questions, it works like this: you think of something, like a bird, and the game asks you a series of questions in an attempt to guess what you’re thinking.  If it guesses the correct answer within 20 questions, it wins.  If not, you win.

That’s great and all… except the game is a cheating jerk.

Question #1 is really multiple questions.  “Is it a vegetable?  Mineral?  Animal?”

That’s three questions!  You can’t bend the rules like that.

Now, between every set of five questions, the game gets all cocky and mocks the user, saying degrading things like “I know what you’re thinking!”, “I’m going to win!” and  “That’s easy.”

Oh, really?  If it’s so easy, how come you couldn’t get my answer after 20 questions?  It had to ask FIVE more.  The game is called 20 Questions, not 20 Questions Or However Many Questions I Need To Get The Correct Answer.

Since it took 25 questions to figure out that we were thinking of “cloud,” we started coming up with things that the game would never guess, just to screw with it.  Things like “string theory” and “contempt.”

After making the game look like an idiot, we can safely say that artificial intelligence won’t be enslaving humanity any time soon.

***

We really didn’t know anything about Tucson until we arrived at our hotel and asked what there was to do.  The clerk suggested we take a scenic drive through Gates Pass and watch the sunset from a lookout.

***

Anytime we go to a city where Man Vs. Food has been, I have to try something.  Like the maple bacon doughnut in Portland.  Or the mission style burritos in San Francisco.  Or the chicken and waffles in Vegas.

This time we had to try a Tucson staple: the Sonoran hot dog.

It’s a bacon-wrapped hot dog shoved into a thick bun with warm pinto beans, chopped tomatoes and onions, shredded cheese, salsa, mustard and mayo.

Sounds kinda freaky, but it’s so good that it could lead to addiction.

***

We heard a lot of good things about this obscure store called Tucson Mineral And Gem World.  So we drove out to the desert to see what made this place so special.

Yeah, it has minerals and gems as advertised.  But that’s not what makes this place so fascinating.

Imagine walking into Indiana Jones’ house.  That’s what this place is like.

We couldn’t believe that some of these amazing artifacts were in a store instead of a museum.

Mummy wrappings.  30,000-year-old animal fossils.  Trinkets from ancient Egypt.  Dinosaur teeth, bones and petrified eggs.

But the coolest thing was when the owner came over and showed us the skull of a Mayan emperor named King Shield Jaguar III.

***

We’re fascinated by aircraft.  So when we found out that Tucson was home to one of the largest aerospace museums in the world, we had to check it out.

The Pima Air & Space Museum features about 300 aircraft spread over four hangars and acres of desert.

The most famous attraction is an SR-71 Blackbird.  This is one of the fastest planes ever.  The Blackbird still holds speed records, flying from New York to London in 1 hour and 54 minutes.  Wouldn’t it be nice if flights were always that fast?

***

If there’s anything we learned on this trip, it’s that Arizona is a pretty cool neighbor to have.  Hopefully they’ll invite us over more often.  Heck, even if they don’t, we’re coming back for Sonoran hotdog anyway.

Jackie says: "We love Arizona!"

Sedona, Arizona is famous for its stunning red rock formations.  But if you’re not an experienced outdoors-person, or you’ve recently watched 127 Hours and decided never to go hiking, the best way to get up close and personal with the rocks is through Pink Jeep Tours.

We heard a lot about them long before we visited Sedona last weekend.  They’re famous for being the first Jeep tour in the city, established in 1960, and they still have exclusive rights to some of the most scenic trails.  Plus, how often can you say you’ve ridden in a pink Jeep?  So we had to give it a shot.

They offer a range of tours, some aimed more at history, others more at scenery.  The closest we’ve ever been to off-roading is the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland, so we decided to go on their most adventurous tour: Broken Arrow.

This 2-hour tour is by far their most popular.  After traversing bumpy dirt roads, navigating turns and rappelling steep rocks, we can see why: the Broken Arrow trail is nature’s rollercoaster.

Luckily we had Reé as our driver.  She was the perfect guide: informative, playful, had that fun sarcastic Jersey attitude going on, and kept everyone feeling safe and secure, even when it seemed like we were going to play “Roll over Jeep, good Jeep!”  She knew when to hit the gas to raise everyone’s heart rate and when to slow down to take in the natural beauty of Sedona.

Like a good movie, the Broken Arrow tour starts with stunning views and ends with a thrilling climax.  After kicking up some mud and winding through cactus and trees, we stopped at Submarine Rock for a breathtaking panorama of Sedona.  Even on a cold and cloudy day, the landscape is still majestic.

Then the action picked up.  The trail gets more rugged and the hills get steeper on the way to Chicken Point.  When the Jeep suddenly tips forward and slowly makes its way down a rock at a 45 degree angle, you’ll understand why it’s called Chicken Point.

But that’s just a set-up for the big moment at the end of the tour when we descend the ominously titled “Road Of No Return,” a jagged and jarring trail that slopes so severely that the view outside the front window is completely dominated by red rocks and black skidmarks.

It’s an exciting conclusion to an adventurous tour that offers some of the beautiful vistas in Sedona.  So if you’re looking for a fun and unique way to explore Red Rock Country, give Pink Jeep Tours a shot.  You’ll be glad you did!

Pink Jeep Tours
204 North Highway 89A
Sedona, Arizona 86336
Reservations: 928.282.5000
Toll Free: 800.873.3662

Sedona, Arizona is famous for being a couples retreat and a great destination for hiking and off-roading.  But we didn’t go there for any of those reasons.  We just wanted to escape the storms that were pounding Southern California.

So we traded Mother Nature’s fury for Mother Nature’s beauty with a two-night stay at the Sedona Rouge Hotel and Spa.

This was a perfect choice for us because we wanted to stay somewhere that was close to the urban center — just a few minutes drive from the Tlaquepaque Arts & Crafts Village and Gallery Row — but far enough that we could enjoy the beautiful vistas of Red Rock country in peace and quiet.

One of the things we really liked about Sedona Rouge is that the design perfectly reflects the city.  It’s a small, intimate, peaceful place, with 77 rooms and suites, and spa rooms that borrow the deep red color of Sedona’s landscape to accentuate the hotel’s Spanish Mediterranian architecture.

We stayed in a room on the third floor that had vaulted ceilings and two giant windows, one overlooking the pool, jacuzzi and fitness center, the other dominated by Thunder Mountain, which is supposedly the inspiration for the ride of the same name at Disneyland.

Even though the room was equipped with a 32″ flat screen television, it was far more relaxing to crawl under the goose down duvet, spread out on the pillow top bed and admire the scenery.  When night fell, the hotel looked even more majestic.

Just when we thought it couldn’t get any better, we discovered that the spacious walk-in shower had two shower heads, one of which was a rainfall shower (yes, we realize the irony in running away from a rain storm only to deeply enjoy a rainfall shower).  The bathroom was stocked with fragrant soaps handmade in Sedona and soft Turkish towels.

When hunger finally pulled us out of the room, we went downstairs to Sedona Rouge’s bistro, Reds, which serves contemporary gourmet and comfort food.  We got there at the tail end of happy hour and savored a diverse range of delicious food — a mac and cheese skillet, barbeque chicken sandwich and ahi tuna — and two glasses of wine.

The only thing we didn’t get to check out was the spa, but Sedona Rouge has 4.5 stars out of 256 customer reviews on TripAdvisor and it’s been awarded AAA’s Four Diamond rating for the last four years, so you know it’s one of the very best in North America.

The facilities include facial rooms, a wellness room, a manicure/pedicure room and two couples treatment rooms, one with a private outdoor shower, the other with a sunken tub.  For those that desire additional pampering, there are even spa guest rooms that feature a soaking tub in the living quarters.

So if you’re looking for a romantic getaway or just want to stay in a cozy hotel with a spectacular view, the Sedona Rouge Hotel and Spa has you covered — even your pets (yes, it’s a pet-friendly hotel to boot).  We really can’t say enough good things about this place, so check ‘em out if you’re planning a trip to Sedona.

Sedona Rouge Hotel & Spa

2250 W State Route 89A
Sedona, AZ 86336
(928) 203-4111

We don’t know about you, but we like to keep the danger level low when we travel — especially when it involves the potential to mutate into the Toxic Avenger.  However, some people lead a more daring lifestyle.

Last year, 7,500 people visited the Chernobyl site where a nuclear reactor exploded in 1986.  All the homes and buildings in the area around Chernobyl were abandoned, and today they stand exactly as they did when catastrophe struck 24 years prior.

It’s kind of like walking into a time capsule.  Which sounds cool.  Except that this time capsule is radioactive.

When tourists visit, they’re walking into an area where radiation levels are 35 times higher than normal.

It’s so bad that you can’t eat at the site, you can’t touch anything, and you can’t even sit down or put your personal belongings on the ground without risk of contamination.

On the plus side, it’s not potentially fatal to visit.  On the down side, it costs $160 a day to visit the Chernobyl site, which is a hell of a lot of money to put yourself in a somewhat dangerous location.

But here’s a tip for the ladies: to be on the safe side, you should wear an Emergency Bra.  It’s a bra that doubles as a gas mask in case of emergency.  Seriously.

In fact, the lady who designed the Emergency Bra said that if the people in Chernobyl had these types of gas masks available when the nuclear meltdown occurred, it would have prevented people from getting radiation sickness.

But don’t worry, fellas, you won’t be left to die in case of a Chernobyl II.  The designer says she’s working on a similar device for men.

We bag on British food a lot around here — and for good reason.  Not only is British food the worst food in the world according to sensible travelers, it’s also the most stupidly named.

Which doesn’t make sense.  Bad dishes shouldn’t have bad names.  Nasty food should have an appetizing name to trick people into eating it.  For example, you’d eat petrified dog poop if it was named “Happy Cookie,” right?

Well, British food goes against that philosophy.  They take horrible dishes and blatantly advertise its horribleness with a horrible name.  Not only that, the name doesn’t even accurately describe the food.  It’s like they chose a stupid name just to distract you from how bad the food tastes and force you to ponder the significance of the name.

And now we’re calling ‘em out on it.  Here are some British foods with stupid names:

Banger
Sausages already look sexual.  Don’t make it worse by giving a phallic object a sexual name like “banger.”  That would be just as dumb as calling a hot dog a “wiener”… oh, wait.

Bubble And Squeak
Bubble And Squeak sound like adorable cartoon characters, but they’re not.  No, bubble and squeak is the name of a terribly unappetizing-sounding dish made of leftover vegetables that have been lightly fried.  Gotta make healthy food unhealthy food somehow.

Clapshot
The last thing we want when we eat is a reminder of gonorrhea.  And clapshot just sounds like an instant shot of the clap.  In reality, clapshot is just mashed potatoes with chives and butter.  But it’s not like gonorrhea looks all that different.

Dean’s Cream
We don’t know who Dean is, but we don’t want any of his cream in or around our mouths.  Sure, Dean’s Cream is just spongecake, jam, whipped cream and fruit, but it sounds like the off-putting title of a bukkake video.

Eton Mess
When has “mess” ever been an appetizing word?  Eton mess is probably one of the few tasty British dishes — it’s just strawberries, pieces of meringue and whipped cream — but the name just makes us think there’d be a lot of clean up involved and that doesn’t make us want to eat it.

Faggots
Even non-homophobes might have an issue putting faggots into their mouth.  And not just because of the name.  Faggots are meatballs made from a pig’s heart, liver and belly. (Also, just for reference, the Brits call cigarettes “fags.”  So don’t get the wrong impression if you hear a dude say “I’m gonna go outside and smoke a fag.”)

Fitless Cock
Not slang for small penis and not a term for an out-of-shape chicken, fitless cock is actually a dish made of oatmeal, chopped onion and suet (the hard fat surrounding kidneys) which is beaten with an egg, shaped into the form a chicken and cooked.  The name is just as gross as the dish sounds.

Girdle Sponges
At first we thought a girdle sponge was kinda like edible underwear, but it turns out it’s just a fried sponge cake.  Bummer, too, because the edible girdle would probably taste better… even if it was already worn.

HobNob
Fortunately, a HobNob is a cookie and not a slang term for the tip of a hobbit’s member.  And hopefully it’ll stay that way because we really don’t want to accidentally come across a Lord Of The Rings porno.

Hog’s Pudding
Hog’s pudding is nothing more than a type of sausage, but the name makes us think about feeding a hog in a trough.  And the mental picture of being served slop like we were pigs isn’t something we want when sitting down for a meal.

Hunter’s Buns
Who’s Hunter and what’s so great about his buns?  Are they firm?  Not always.  That’s because Hunter’s Buns are actually oatmeal cookies.

Inky Pinky
We can’t imagine going into a fine dining establishment and ordering inky pinky.  That sounds unrefined enough to come off of a kid’s menu.  It’s actually just a beef gravy, which is a much simpler and less embarrassing name.  So why not go with that instead?

Jam Roly Poly
When a food sounds like it could be an insect, that’s a pretty good indication it’s probably not worth eating.  And jam roly poly proves this once again: it’s a biscuit made of lard and spread with jam.  At least jam roly poly sounds better than its old name: Dead Man’s Leg.

Love In Disguise
It’s a little weird that a stuffed cow heart would be called Love In Disguise. Seems more like a warning than a romantic gesture.

Neeps And Tatties
It’s just mashed turnips and potatoes, but it sounds like rapper slang for T&V.  We’re pretty sure we’ve seen music videos where Jay-Z asks the ladies to show their neeps and tatties.

Pretty Oggies
Not a British dude with a thick accent telling a girl she has “pretty eyes” — “Oy love, you got pretty oggies!” — rather a pork and cheese pastry.  Doesn’t sound pretty at all.

Toad In The Hole
There’s a toad in the hole?  Well get it out of there.  Oh, wait, nevermind, toad in the hole is just the silly name of a traditional British dish that looks like a sausage pot pie.  But thanks for the totally misleading and disturbing title.

Scotch Woodcock
What’s worse: the name or the dish?  Scottish woodcock is toast served with scrambled eggs and anchovy paste.  We’re not sure how “woodcock” gets that across, but at least we can giggle before we throw up.

Singing Hinnies
If my food is singing, it’s probably too alive to eat.  Fortunately, singing hinnies isn’t a living creature; it’s just a currant muffin.  Just say “currant muffin” and we’re in.  Say “singing hinnies” and we have to wonder what we’re eating and if it’s a crime to eat it.

Spotted Dick
This sounds like something I’d look up on WebMD after a bad one night stand.  We’re still not sure why the Brits insist on naming foods like they were sexually transmitted diseases, because spotted dick doesn’t sound like something we’d want to eat… it sounds like something we should be concerned about.  Even though spotted dick is just a dessert pudding, it doesn’t sound like an appealing way to cap the night.

Wet Nelly
A wet nelly sounds like the start of an intimate evening, but it’s really just a dessert pudding soaked in syrup.  Sure, the name somewhat describes the dish, and it is kinda sexy — the world needs more food with erotic names –but if you feel too embarrassed to order it in a restaurant without whispering, it still qualifies as a stupid name.

What are other British dishes you’ve heard of with stupid names?