The most polarizing — and most fake — holiday in the world, Valentine’s Day, is right around the corner.  And that means it’s time to give your significant (or not-as-significant-but-you’re-too-afraid-of-change) other a box of chocolates.

How typical and uncreative.   She won’t be impressed by that cheap box of chocolate you picked up from the gas station on your way home from work.  And she certainly won’t put out like some cheap hooker that succumbs to any feeble token of adoration.  Your gal is better than that — and so are you.

If you really want to woo her — or woo her back — you’ve got to step it a notch.  Don’t just give her chocolates, give her the entire chocolate experience by taking her to a chocolate museum.

There are 45 chocolate museums in the world, but if you really want to engage in a traditional missionary-style lovemaking session under the contrived conditions of Valentine’s Day, take her to one of the best.

Here’s a list of the top 11 chocolate museums in the world in alphabetical order…

Cadbury World – Birmingham, United Kingdom

Cadbury is probably best known in the States for their chocolate eggs filled with a milky white substance that looks curiously like man-juice.  Even though the choco-sperm egg is an Easter delight, it’s guaranteed to get her into the mood, which is why it’s imperative that you immediately whisk her away to Cadbury World.  If things don’t go well, at least you have three tours and 14 attractions to fall back on.

Candy Americana Museum – Lititz, Pennsylvania

Nothing says romance more than you and your loved one admiring a collection of over 1,000 antique molds, tins, boxes of chocolate and hand-painted porcelain chocolate pots at the Candy Americana Museum.  Best of all, it’s free, and that makes you a thoughtful cheapskate.

Chocolate Museum – Jeju Island, South Korea

Not only does chocolate have the uncanny ability to rapidly turn women on, so too does a building that is phallic in shape.  That’s why the Chocolate Museum on Jeju Island is certain to lead to a sweaty mating session on Valentine’s Day.  If walking through an entrance of a brick penis doesn’t do it for her, maybe the Bean to Bar showroom, which showcases the process of transforming a cacao bean into chocolate, will get her excited.  And if all else fails, there’s a park nearby called Love Land that displays 140 sculptures of people having sex.

Chocolate Museum – St. Stephen, Canada

Blame the Canadian chocolate company Ganong Brothers for those tacky heart-shaped boxes that we’re obligated to buy on Valentine’s Day — they introduced them to North America.  It started as a Christmas tradition, but we’re guessing that it transferred over to Valentine’s Day when some forgetful yet crafty boyfriend parlayed an unopened heart-shaped box of chocolates into a Valentine’s Day gift.  It’s one of the few times in history re-gifting ever worked.

Choco-Story – Bruges, Belgium

Choco-Story is a fantastic chocolate museum because it clarifies a burning question among men: why should I buy my woman chocolate if it’s only going to make her fat?  The answer can be found in a section of this museum that extols the health benefits of chocolate: it’s rich in antioxidants, which removes harmful free radicals, extends one’s lifespan and promotes good health.  So at least if she gets fatter, she’ll be a somewhat healthy heifer.

Cologne Chocolate Museum – Cologne, Germany

When discussing something as luxurious as fine chocolate, it’s mandatory to use pretentious phrases.  We’ll oblige and remark that the Pièce de résistance at the Cologne Chocolate Museum is a gaudy 10-foot tall chocolate fountain that visitors may dip wafers into at the end of the tour.  Unfortunately, no chocolate-covered Airborne tablets are available for sale.

Halloren Chocolate Museum – Halle, Germany

Germany may very well be the chocolate capital of the world.  And since Halloren is the oldest chocolate factory in Germany, their chocolate museum is kind of like a holy grail.  Take your lady here and watch her clothes melt off when you get home.

Hershey’s Chocolate World – Hershey, Pennsylvania

Hershey’s Chocolate World is more than a standard chocolate museum, it’s a theme park that features 3-D shows, walking tours and a ride that takes visitors through the chocolate-making process (Hmm, somebody should make a movie about this!).

Museo del Chocolate – Villajoyosa, Spain

Villajoyosa is known as “The City of Chocolate” — which is really a misleading title since it doesn’t match Homer Simpson’s version where everything is edible, including the street lamps and animals — and it’s also home to a chocolate museum sponsored by Spain’s most famous chocolate company, Valor.  The museum, which is located inside a 19th-century house, features exhibits on the history of production of chocolate, in case you need something educational to do in between stuffing your face full of chocolate.

Museu de la Xocolata – Barcelona, Spain

Turning food into art is proof that the world’s hunger problem has been solved.  And a great place to rejoice in this achievement is at Barcelona’s Chocolate Museum, where sculptures of famous Barcelona buildings and illustrations of popular stories are molded out of chocolate.

Nestle Chocolate Museum – Mexico City, Mexico

Since Nestle chocolate isn’t particularly good, they had to make up for it by designing a really cool looking chocolate museum.  The origami-like structure, which was built in a record time of only 2 1/2 months (which makes us question its safety), symbolizes the process of opening of a candy bar wrapper.  We’re sure Freud would have a theory on this, but take your lady there anyway.

We’ve adopted the food truck diet.  That means the majority of food we eat outside of the house is either wrapped in a tortilla, squeezed between two buns or includes bacon in some capacity.

It’s not the most reasonable lifestyle, but it’s certainly the tastiest.

Like many people, we jumped on the food truck bandwagon earlier this year when we heard they got rid of the roaches and stopped serving boring food you can find in any late night diner.  Since then, we’ve sampled food from about 50 different food trucks in southern California — and we’ve still got a lot to go.

So why would anyone prefer a diet that can only contribute to America’s weight problem?  Well, here’s 10 reasons to love food trucks:

#1.  Delicious diversity

It used to be that a food truck only served an incoherent range of foods that looked like it came off a menu at a retirement home: steak Diane, ham sandwich, turkey wraps — all served by the same truck.  None of it ever tasted any good and you had to question if the steak, ham and turkey was actually just the same meat.  Even worse, it took six whole days just to read about every dish on the menu.

Fortunately, food trucks aren’t like that anymore. Today’s food trucks keep the selection small and specialize in one thing.  Craving a grilled cheese?  There’s a truck just for that.  Want a Vietnamese banh mi sandwich?  There’s a truck just for that.  Indian food?  There’s a truck for that.   The food truck landscape is varied and diverse enough to satisfy even the most capricious tastes.  There’s a mobile restaurant for just about anything: crepes, dim sum, pizza, sliders, cupcakes, BBQ, even sushi.  Heck, if you’ve just got a hankering for some bacon, there’s even a food truck where every dish includes bacon — including the desserts.

#2.  Crazy concoctions

Ever had a craving for Latin food and Asian food at the same time but couldn’t decide what you wanted to eat more?  It’s a perfectly understandable conundrum to face — even when you aren’t high.  Thankfully, you can satisfy both cravings with hybrid cuisine.  One of the biggest trends in the world of food trucks is combining various ethnic cuisines into one dish.  So now you can enjoy Latin and Asian food at the same time with a Thai coconut chicken taco at Dos Chinos or a Korean short rib burrito at Kogi, one of the most popular food trucks in the nation.

If that’s not adventurous enough, you can always go wilder.  We’ve had deep fried avocado tacos, bacon rice krispy treats and peanut butter & jelly burgers.  It’s like eating food at the state fair without being surrounded by hillbillies.  But remember, the crazier the concoction, the longer you have to wait for it.  And one of the craziest concoctions you can find on the food circuit today comes from Grill ‘Em All, the winners of the Food Network show “The Great Food Truck Race.”  It’s called The Behemoth, and as the same suggests, it’s very tiny: just a bacon cheeseburger smothered in grilled onions and nestled between two grilled cheese sandwiches.  That’s right, the buns have been replaced by grilled cheese sandwiches.  Like we said, tiny.

#3.  The thrill of the chase

For some masochistic reason, humans have always enjoyed difficulty in finding good food.  Hunter/gatherers gave up on eating rocks to search for something more delicious.  Kids have to search for chocolate on Easter.  And now adults with a reliable means of transportation drive to parts unknown to get awesome food from a truck hidden from plain view.

Finding a food truck requires patience, determination and a college degree in scavenger hunting.  Like outlaws, food trucks hide down small streets, lay low behind office buildings and remain tucked away in a remote corner of an empty parking lot.  But searching for food trucks is part of the adventure.  And the cool thing is, you get to discover new parts of a city you’ve always been too apathetic to drive to otherwise.

#4.  Being in the know

Unless you spend your free time hiding down small streets, laying low behind office buildings or hanging out in a remote corner of an empty parking lot (in which case we question the legality of what you’re doing), you wouldn’t know a food truck was there.  The only way to find out where a food truck is hiding is by following them on Twitter or renting a helicopter, though Twitter is a cheaper option.

Some food trucks provide a weekly schedule on their website, but plans can change at a moment’s notice, and if you don’t monitor their whereabouts on Twitter, you might show up at an empty location (in which case people will again question the legality of what you’re doing).  So you’ve got to stay in the know to find a food truck.

#5.  Gourmet fare

You don’t need to be a food snob to taste the difference between standard fare and gourmet fare, but you might impress people if you point out the difference to them.  The quality and creativity at some of these food trucks is often better than that restaurant you went to for your anniversary that cost a month’s salary, plus they’re cheaper and you don’t have to deal with a violinist getting all up in your business.

Don’t let the paper plate and plastic utensils fool you; this is high class food on a lower middle class budget.  Ahi poke, seafood paella, butter sage chicken over butternut squash mashed potatoes — each of these items for less than an appetizer at a chain where the servers are required to wear pieces of flair.  And since food truck vendors are small business owners, they work with local farms to provide fresh ingredients.

#6.  Fast good food

“Fast” and “good” are normally two words that don’t go well together when talking about food.  If you want it fast, it’s never good.  If you want it good, it’s never fast.  But food trucks have solved this problem, and deserve some kind of Nobel prize for their efforts.  Because they limit their menu to only a handful of items that can be written on the side of a truck, food trucks are able to serve high-quality, gourmet food faster than a TGI McApplebee’s can get your basket of deep fried chicken winkles to your table.

#7.  Changing menu

President Obama must love food trucks because they too run on a platform of change.  Sure, food trucks always have their popular stalwarts available, but to keep things new and interesting, food trucks are always experimenting with new items that are only served for a limited time. You know how some people flock to McDonald’s during the McRib season?  It’s kind of like that, except the window to get some of these items is even smaller.  Take The Lime Truck for instance: they’re a popular food truck in Orange County that is well-known for serving a dish only one time.  Since the menu constantly changes at so many food trucks, this is another reason to follow a bunch of trucks on Twitter.

#8.  No more food poisoning

Remember back in the medieval days when roach coaches lived up to their moniker?  Now food trucks have to pass regular health inspections.  Higher standards means less sickness.  That’s something we can all love.

#9.  The buddy system

Not only do food trucks hide like outlaws, they band together like outlaws too.  Chances are, if you see one food truck, you’ll see at least a few more huddled nearby.  The most popular trucks work with other trucks to bring in a bigger crowd; the least popular trucks wind up looking like the creepy guy at the end of the bar.

Most of the time they show up in small groups at events like farmer’s markets, art exhibit openings, fundraisers, drives and sporting events.  But sometimes they pool their resources together to create a large event that’s all about food trucks.  Over the summer we went to a festival that featured 49 food trucks, and last weekend we went to another event that had 19.  The great thing about events like this is that you can sample a lot of different trucks at once without having to drive to each individual one.

#10. Meeting new people

Have you ever tried to strike up a conversation with strangers at a restaurant?  Probably not because it’s weird and invades their privacy.  But you don’t have the same problem at a public food truck gathering.  Socializing is part of the experience.  It’s more weird not to strike up a conversation with the people you’re standing in line and eating on the curb with.  Heck, we’ve even shared our food with complete strangers.

In fact, food truck events might replace eHarmony as the best way to get a date.  Think about it: if you meet someone who eats at the same truck as you, chances are you have more in common.  We suspect it’s only a matter of time before “I met my wife on the internet” becomes “I met my wife at a food truck.”  Food truck speed dating — you heard it here first.

What are some of your favorite food trucks?

One of the great things about traveling is tasting the foods of other countries.

But since the U.S. is in conflict with a couple countries, it’s unlikely you’ll get to taste their cuisine without signing up for the military.  And, really, would you want to risk your life for an authentic falafel? 

That’s where the Conflict Kitchen comes into play.

It’s a take-out restaurant in Pittsburgh that only serves food from countries that the U.S. is currently in conflict with.  And since there’s a long list of countries the U.S. is in conflict with, the entire restaurant, including the facade and menu, changes every four months.

First it was street food from Iran and now they’re serving up savory turnovers from Afghanistan.

The cool thing about the restaurant is that not only do you get to try food from countries you may not know much about, you also get to learn about that country’s culture and politics through performances, events and even the wrappers, which feature quotes from natives.

Let’s just hope North Korea isn’t next or else you’ll never get to eat.

We bag on British food a lot around here — and for good reason.  Not only is British food the worst food in the world according to sensible travelers, it’s also the most stupidly named.

Which doesn’t make sense.  Bad dishes shouldn’t have bad names.  Nasty food should have an appetizing name to trick people into eating it.  For example, you’d eat petrified dog poop if it was named “Happy Cookie,” right?

Well, British food goes against that philosophy.  They take horrible dishes and blatantly advertise its horribleness with a horrible name.  Not only that, the name doesn’t even accurately describe the food.  It’s like they chose a stupid name just to distract you from how bad the food tastes and force you to ponder the significance of the name.

And now we’re calling ‘em out on it.  Here are some British foods with stupid names:

Banger
Sausages already look sexual.  Don’t make it worse by giving a phallic object a sexual name like “banger.”  That would be just as dumb as calling a hot dog a “wiener”… oh, wait.

Bubble And Squeak
Bubble And Squeak sound like adorable cartoon characters, but they’re not.  No, bubble and squeak is the name of a terribly unappetizing-sounding dish made of leftover vegetables that have been lightly fried.  Gotta make healthy food unhealthy food somehow.

Clapshot
The last thing we want when we eat is a reminder of gonorrhea.  And clapshot just sounds like an instant shot of the clap.  In reality, clapshot is just mashed potatoes with chives and butter.  But it’s not like gonorrhea looks all that different.

Dean’s Cream
We don’t know who Dean is, but we don’t want any of his cream in or around our mouths.  Sure, Dean’s Cream is just spongecake, jam, whipped cream and fruit, but it sounds like the off-putting title of a bukkake video.

Eton Mess
When has “mess” ever been an appetizing word?  Eton mess is probably one of the few tasty British dishes — it’s just strawberries, pieces of meringue and whipped cream — but the name just makes us think there’d be a lot of clean up involved and that doesn’t make us want to eat it.

Faggots
Even non-homophobes might have an issue putting faggots into their mouth.  And not just because of the name.  Faggots are meatballs made from a pig’s heart, liver and belly. (Also, just for reference, the Brits call cigarettes “fags.”  So don’t get the wrong impression if you hear a dude say “I’m gonna go outside and smoke a fag.”)

Fitless Cock
Not slang for small penis and not a term for an out-of-shape chicken, fitless cock is actually a dish made of oatmeal, chopped onion and suet (the hard fat surrounding kidneys) which is beaten with an egg, shaped into the form a chicken and cooked.  The name is just as gross as the dish sounds.

Girdle Sponges
At first we thought a girdle sponge was kinda like edible underwear, but it turns out it’s just a fried sponge cake.  Bummer, too, because the edible girdle would probably taste better… even if it was already worn.

HobNob
Fortunately, a HobNob is a cookie and not a slang term for the tip of a hobbit’s member.  And hopefully it’ll stay that way because we really don’t want to accidentally come across a Lord Of The Rings porno.

Hog’s Pudding
Hog’s pudding is nothing more than a type of sausage, but the name makes us think about feeding a hog in a trough.  And the mental picture of being served slop like we were pigs isn’t something we want when sitting down for a meal.

Hunter’s Buns
Who’s Hunter and what’s so great about his buns?  Are they firm?  Not always.  That’s because Hunter’s Buns are actually oatmeal cookies.

Inky Pinky
We can’t imagine going into a fine dining establishment and ordering inky pinky.  That sounds unrefined enough to come off of a kid’s menu.  It’s actually just a beef gravy, which is a much simpler and less embarrassing name.  So why not go with that instead?

Jam Roly Poly
When a food sounds like it could be an insect, that’s a pretty good indication it’s probably not worth eating.  And jam roly poly proves this once again: it’s a biscuit made of lard and spread with jam.  At least jam roly poly sounds better than its old name: Dead Man’s Leg.

Love In Disguise
It’s a little weird that a stuffed cow heart would be called Love In Disguise. Seems more like a warning than a romantic gesture.

Neeps And Tatties
It’s just mashed turnips and potatoes, but it sounds like rapper slang for T&V.  We’re pretty sure we’ve seen music videos where Jay-Z asks the ladies to show their neeps and tatties.

Pretty Oggies
Not a British dude with a thick accent telling a girl she has “pretty eyes” — “Oy love, you got pretty oggies!” — rather a pork and cheese pastry.  Doesn’t sound pretty at all.

Toad In The Hole
There’s a toad in the hole?  Well get it out of there.  Oh, wait, nevermind, toad in the hole is just the silly name of a traditional British dish that looks like a sausage pot pie.  But thanks for the totally misleading and disturbing title.

Scotch Woodcock
What’s worse: the name or the dish?  Scottish woodcock is toast served with scrambled eggs and anchovy paste.  We’re not sure how “woodcock” gets that across, but at least we can giggle before we throw up.

Singing Hinnies
If my food is singing, it’s probably too alive to eat.  Fortunately, singing hinnies isn’t a living creature; it’s just a currant muffin.  Just say “currant muffin” and we’re in.  Say “singing hinnies” and we have to wonder what we’re eating and if it’s a crime to eat it.

Spotted Dick
This sounds like something I’d look up on WebMD after a bad one night stand.  We’re still not sure why the Brits insist on naming foods like they were sexually transmitted diseases, because spotted dick doesn’t sound like something we’d want to eat… it sounds like something we should be concerned about.  Even though spotted dick is just a dessert pudding, it doesn’t sound like an appealing way to cap the night.

Wet Nelly
A wet nelly sounds like the start of an intimate evening, but it’s really just a dessert pudding soaked in syrup.  Sure, the name somewhat describes the dish, and it is kinda sexy — the world needs more food with erotic names –but if you feel too embarrassed to order it in a restaurant without whispering, it still qualifies as a stupid name.

What are other British dishes you’ve heard of with stupid names?

We’re not sure when or even why this happened, but recently food trucks have become really popular.

Yep, food trucks, roach coaches, mobile food poison dispensaries; those dirty looking trucks that hang outside construction sites and car washes selling mystery meats that even dogs would be afraid to eat.

Or at least that’s how most of us used to view food trucks.  But times have changed.

Food trucks aren’t as plain as a Denny’s on wheels anymore.  They sell more than just defrosted burgers and overcooked scrambled eggs.

Food trucks have themes.  They sell gourmet versions of a particular genre of food using high quality ingredients.

But you have to be in the loop to find them.  Usually the only way to find out where these food trucks are located is through word of mouth or to follow them on Twitter.

And even then, if you arrive late, you might stand in line for an hour… and the food will still sell out.

That’s why we were really excited to attend the first ever Orange County Foodie Fest this past weekend.

The event pulled together 49 of the top food trucks from Southern California and put ‘em all in one lot so 8,500 people could try some great food that’s normally hard to find.  There was supposed to be 50 trucks, but the dim sum truck didn’t show.

We spent five hours jumping from truck to truck, spending about 20 minutes in line at each one, but it was totally worth the achy feet and scorching sunburn.  Here’s what we sampled:

Nom Nom Truck

This was by far the most popular truck at OC Foodie Fest.  We hit this food truck first and we’re lucky we did because the wait was ridiculously long by mid-afternoon… and we can see why.  They serve amazing bánh mì, which is a Vietnamese sandwich served on a French baguette and stuffed with cilantro, pickled carrots, peppers, mayo and choice of meat, the best being pork.

Piaggio On Wheels

Ever since the Buenos Aires trip we’ve been craving Argentine food.  So we were stoked to find out about Piaggio On Wheels.  The skirt steak taco with chimichurri sauce and the pulled pork slider were nice, but it just wasn’t the same.

White Rabbit Truck

Southern California has a big Asian population and a big Mexican population, so it makes sense that a lot of food trucks like White Rabbit fuse the two together to make Asian tacos and burritos.  The craze started with the Kogi truck, which serves Korean BBQ tacos, and now White Rabbit is gaining popularity for their Filipino tacos.  They were just okay.  The pork sisig, which is fried pork, was too salty and chewy, and the chicken adobo was a little dry.  But this was probably just a bad sample.  They were more concerned with their Man Versus Food-style eating challenge where contestants had to eat a 6-pound burrito in 30 minutes.  Just look how big they were:

Chunk-N-Chip Cookies

It was getting pretty hot, and since there was no shaded area, the only way to cool down was with an ice cream sandwich.  Here’s why that tactic didn’t necessarily work: Chunk-N-Chip makes ice cream sandwiches using fresh baked, hot-out-of-the-oven cookies, then smashes a scoop of ice cream in the middle.  The problem is that the warm cookies melt the ice cream, making for a messy yet delicious affair.  I went with the brownie cookie with mint chocolate chip ice cream, and Jackie had the chocolate chip cookie with rocky road ice cream.  Yes, they were as dense as they sound.  They took second place in the “Best of the Fest” competition.

Ta Bom

Dessert wasn’t going to stop us from having more food, so we went to the Brazilian food truck and got a sirloin steak taco and a chicken taco.  They were both pretty good but the service was unbelievably slow.  And I’m still afraid of what the side effects are from drinking that Guarana drink that tasted like Red Bull.

Seabirds

We needed a break from all that dense food, so we went for something that usually scares us: vegetarian food.  The beer battered avocado taco with tequila-jalapeno sauce was refreshing, but the real hit was the jerk jackfruit taco, which had jerk seasoned jackfruit topped with green salsa.  It kind of freaked me out at first because the taste and texture was oddly similar to skirt steak, but once I got my head around the fact that I was eating a fruit and not meat, I felt proud for taking the healthy alternative.  Plus it helped me ignore my mental calorie counter, which was reaching a frightening number.

Longboards Ice Cream

It was getting inexplicably hotter as the sun was setting and we knew we had to finish the day with dessert, so we stopped at Longboards for a coconut ice cream bar dipped in Ghirardelli dark chocolate and rolled in coconut shavings.  It really didn’t have the refreshing effect I was expecting, but it was pretty damn good.

The trucks were separated into sections with funny names based on cities in Orange County, like Eaterheim for Anaheim, Foodport Beach for Newport Beach, and our favorite, based on Huntington Beach…

We didn’t get to try other places like the sushi food truck called Fishlips…

…or the French fry truck that served sweet potato fries with Nutella and peanut butter, or the double-decker bus serving World Fare…

…or the pizza by the slice truck, or the crepes truck…

…or even the meatball truck called Great Balls On Tires…

But overall, the OC Foodie Fest rocked.  Yeah, it was a pretty expensive day — tickets were $12 a person, parking $15, and each truck cost between $6 – $10 — but we look at it this way: we’d wind up paying way more in gas to drive to these food trucks in parts unknown in L.A.  So we’ll pay gladly a premium to have ‘em all in one place.

Next time, though, I won’t wear a belt.  There’s really no point.  Unless you want to see if you can actually snap a belt by ballooning in size.

One of the great privileges of traveling is trying street food in other countries.  But how much does it suck to return home and not be able to get that food again?

Well, we don’t have to worry about that problem anymore thanks to a restaurant called Street in Los Angeles.

This up-scale eatery from chef and TV personality Susan Feniger has gathered street food from all over the world and put them under one roof.

Now, the food isn’t as cheap as it would be from a street cart, but at least you don’t have to worry about contracting food poisoning.

Even though the menu at Street isn’t that extensive, you’re bound to find some interesting flavors from nearly every continent.  Here’s what we tried:

Brazilian Acaraje – crispy black eyed pea fritters topped with a sweet and spicy citrus cabbage and chile sauce.  The dish comes with four fritters and each one is a two-biter.

Cheese Grits – creamy Southern-style grits made with butter and white cheddar cheese. A surprisingly light dish without an overwhelming cheese flavor.

Mexican Ricotta Noquis – light and airy sheep’s milk ricotta formed into small dumplings and simmered until they literally melt in your mouth.  They’re topped with two salsas: a mild, citrusy green tomatillo and a smoky chipotle.  The dumplings are delicate and nicely pick up the flavors of the salsas.

Smashed Potatoes – mashed Yukon gold potatoes that have been lightly fried to create a crisp outside and creamy inside. The mashed potato fries are topped with sour cream, chives and pink peppercorns that give the dish a real pop.

Vietnamese Corn – a dense dish consisting of corn sauteed with small chunks of pork belly, chile peppers and scallions.  Unfortunately the super salty fish sauce really overwhelmed the sweetness of the corn and pork.

Kaya Toast – by far our favorite dish.  This Malaysian sensation features toasted white bread topped with an egg, sugar and coconut milk spread, and served with a soft fried egg drizzled with soy sauce.  Once you dip the sandwich into the egg, you get these great complimentary flavors and textures of sweet and salty, custardy and crunchy.  It’s expensive for what it is, but here’s how I justify it: it’s cheaper than flying to Malaysia to get Kaya toast.

The food was so good, almost like taking a mini culinary vacation to various places around the world, but I wish the menu was more comprehensive.  It would be cool to go to a restaurant that had just about every popular street food in the world, even the big things like tacos from Mexico City or sausage from Germany or crepes from France.

But until that happens, we get to enjoy unique foods from exotic countries we may never get a chance to visit — all in one place.  And that makes Street a travel destination in and of itself.

Susan Feniger’s Street
742 North Highland Avenue
Los Angeles, CA 90038-3415
(323) 203-0500
www.eatatstreet.com

If you want a good beer, travel to Germany.  But if you want the strongest beer on the planet, head to the Netherlands.

Last week, a Scottish brewery called BrewDog released a beer that was 55% percent alcohol — the highest ever.

They only made 12 bottles, each of which was stuffed inside a dead animal and sold for about $750.

Not to be outdone, a Dutch brewery called The Refrigerated Ship just came out with a brew that’s 60% alcohol by volume — that’s 120 proof — making it the world’s strongest beer.

The brew is called “Start The Future” and a bottle sells for only 35 euros.

More alcohol for less money?  At that point, does it really matter what it tastes like?

Sure, we’re still going through a recession, but some people are willing to pay a lot of money for extravagant food… no matter how unnecessary it is.

If you’re one of those people who likes to eat well when you travel (and by “well” I mean “expensive”), head to New York’s Serendipty3.

This luxury restaurant is famous for going over the top, having twice made it into the Guinness World Records for offering the World’s Most Expensive Ice Cream Sundae (which cost $25,000 when it was released in 2007) and the World’s Largest Hot Chocolate (4 gallons).

Last Friday, they made it a hat trick with something you normally doesn’t associate with high price: a hot dog.

That’s right, the restaurant will soon be offering the World’s Most Expensive Hot Dog.

If you thought stadium hot dogs were over-priced, wait ’til you see this price tag.

Unlike stadiums, however, you actually get what you pay for with this hot dog.  So what makes the World’s Most Expensive Hot Dog so expensive?  The opulent ingredients.

The chefs at Serendipity3 start with their popular 3 foot-long beef hot dog and grill it in white truffle oil.  Then the dog is tucked inside a pretzel-bread bun that’s toasted with white truffle butter, and topped with foie gras and black truffles.  It’s served with a side of Dijon mustard with black truffles, ketchup made with heirloom tomatoes and caramelized Vidalia onions.

This costly concoction has been dubbed the Haute Dog, and it can be yours for only $69.

If you want a lavish lunch, you’ll need to plan your day around eating this hot dog: orders must be placed 24 hours in advance.

Would you ever pay $69 for a hot dog, either for the novelty of it, bragging rights, or just because you have more money than sense?

We’ve got some alarming news for people heading to Germany this summer:  expect small French Fries.

A travel advisory hasn’t been issued yet, but a spokesperson for the German Farmers’ Association said “consumers will have to brace themselves for shorter fries” because of a heatwave that has adversely affected the country’s extra-large potato crop.

(“Brace themselves”?  This isn’t a freakin’ earthquake.  I mean, what kind of precautions should one take to survive the midget French fry epidemic: duck and cover?)

Certainly this shocking revelation has hungry travelers considering cacelling their vacations to Germany, or possibly contemplating suicide, but all is not lost.

Although the ideal length of a French fry is 2.2 inches, the smaller potatoes are capable of producing fries that measure up to 1.8 inches (for some, that’s a measurement to be proud of).

20% less fry might be a make it or break it issue for some, but we’ve got a solution: order 20% more.  A more reasonable solution would be to try and remember the last time you actually finished off an entire order of fries.  Once you realize the answer is NEVER, you won’t be so mad at the small fries.

Besides, the fries are just a distraction when you’re trying to eat a currywurst the size of your arm.

Question of the day: Americans once played with the idea of renaming French fries “Freedom fries”… but did Germany ever do the same?  Maybe Fatherland fries?

When I travel, I tend to craft my itinerary around food.  Most of my research is dedicated to food instead of learning the cultural background.  I really don’t care about the historical significance of some ancient temple, I just want to know where to eat.

But that task becomes increasingly difficult when traveling to a country with horrible cuisine.

So if food is the primary factor in determining where you should travel next, cross these countries off your list.  A new survey taken by over 2,000 people with traumatized taste buds resulted in this list of 9 countries with the worst cuisine in the world.  They are…

#9.  Netherlands — 1.7%
Can’t argue here.  Pea soup, deep fried sausage and pickled raw herring are staples of the Dutch diet.  Even though I think the desserts make up for it, their lousy cuisine is a cruel roadblock on the way to Sugarville.

#8.  Philippines — 1.8%
When stew is the most popular food on the menu, you know you’re in for crappy eats.  Here’s a brief example: at work, if Tuesday is chicken taco day, Wednesday will be chicken tortilla soup day.  That’s because stews are a lazy way to use leftover food.  However, stews are also an uninventive way to throw a bunch of shit into a cauldron and feed a family of ten with total disregard for their sense of taste.  Just because you’re full doesn’t mean you’re happy.

#7.  Ireland — 1.9%
Know why the Irish drink a lot?  Because they don’t care about flavor when they’re drunk.  Good thing, too, because all they have available is meat, potatoes and cabbage.

#6.  Australia — 2.2%
I’m pretty sure Vegemite is entirely responsible for this figure.

#5.  Germany — 2.7%
I stand by my hypothesis that any nation with a significant beer culture has terrible cuisine.  Whether that’s because they spent more time crafting beer than food recipes, or because beer makes people crave terribly unhealthy bar food, no one will ever know.  You can expect cold weather diet staples in Germany — pork, potatoes and cabbage — and nothing more.

#4.  Russian Federation — 3%
Russia is one of the coldest place on earth, yet it’s inexplicably the home of cold pizza and cold soup.  Why the hell would you want to eat cold soup made of raw vegetables when it’s minus-30 outside?  No wonder they love vodka.  I’d drink my days away too if my diet consisted of cold soup and jellied meat.

#3.  China — 3.8%
We’ve all been to enough hole-in-the-wall strip-mall joints vaguely titled “Chinese Food” to know that Chinese food COULD be good if it wanted to, but usually isn’t.  More disturbing is that Chinese food has an uncanny ability to make you MORE hungry after eating it.  There’s no logical reason why someone who just ingested two pounds of heavy fried rice, chicken drenched in an alarmingly bright colored sauce and oily vegetables striped of all nutritional value can miraculously desire more food.

#2.  United States — 10%
Everyone loves burgers and hot dogs, but when that’s considered national cuisine, you know you’ve got problems.  There’s no excuse for meat loaf, and even though fried chicken can be deliriously delicious, it’s contributed to making Americans the fattest nation on the planet.  Nothing is considered worthy of eating in the U.S. until it’s been deep fried, blanketed with cheese or covered in some kind of sugary sauce.  Come on, this country considers French fries a vegetable.

#1.  United Kingdom — 24.6%
If you didn’t see this coming, you might be legally blind.  British food is undeniably and unquestionably horrific, which is why it’s far and away THE WORST CUISINE ON THE PLANET.  It’s like a crime scene on a plate.  From the terribly unappetizing names — they have a dish called spotted dick for crying out loud! — to the horrible ingredients — cow’s blood and pig trotters? — everything about British food is just awful.  It’s not just tasteless and scary (they eat jellied eals; why the hell would you jelly something that’s already slimy?), it’s also confusing: they have dishes called pudding that in no way, shape or form resemble pudding.  And come on, haggis alone is enough to warrant the top spot.  About the only good thing is fish and chips, but unfortunately it’s all downhill from there.  That’s sayin’ something.

What do you think?  Do you agree with the list?  What country do you think has the worst cuisine?