The Jetpacker

We’ve got some alarming news for people heading to Germany this summer:  expect small French Fries.

A travel advisory hasn’t been issued yet, but a spokesperson for the German Farmers’ Association said “consumers will have to brace themselves for shorter fries” because of a heatwave that has adversely affected the country’s extra-large potato crop.

(“Brace themselves”?  This isn’t a freakin’ earthquake.  I mean, what kind of precautions should one take to survive the midget French fry epidemic: duck and cover?)

Certainly this shocking revelation has hungry travelers considering cacelling their vacations to Germany, or possibly contemplating suicide, but all is not lost.

Although the ideal length of a French fry is 2.2 inches, the smaller potatoes are capable of producing fries that measure up to 1.8 inches (for some, that’s a measurement to be proud of).

20% less fry might be a make it or break it issue for some, but we’ve got a solution: order 20% more.  A more reasonable solution would be to try and remember the last time you actually finished off an entire order of fries.  Once you realize the answer is NEVER, you won’t be so mad at the small fries.

Besides, the fries are just a distraction when you’re trying to eat a currywurst the size of your arm.

Question of the day: Americans once played with the idea of renaming French fries “Freedom fries”… but did Germany ever do the same?  Maybe Fatherland fries?