Portland is way cooler than we expected.  Not that we thought it would be boring.  But, admittedly, we underestimated Portland.  It’s a big city that doesn’t feel big.  It’s quiet and calm, so naturally we assumed that meant there wasn’t much to do there.

Turns out there’s a lot.  We feel like we got a pretty good taste of this artsy, environmentally-friendly, and often strange city — there’s a reason visitors often see “Keep Portland Weird” signs — in just two days.

Had we not visited Portland as our last stop on our Olympic road trip, we would have done much more.  Portland will always be there.  The Olympics won’t be back for another four years.  So the Games took precedence.

Here’s what we managed to do during our 2 days in Portland:

Inn at Northrup Station

The Inn at Northrup Station in Northwest Portland is awesome!  Free parking.  Free wireless internet.  Free continental breakfast.  And, best of all, free candy!  We ate more Tootsie Pops in our three-night stay than every Halloween combined.

The rooms are incredibly spacious — we had a bed, a sofa bed, two flat screen HDTVs and a kitchenette — and the design is colorful, quirky and retro with a modern twist.

The only down side is that there is a tram station right outside the hotel, and when the tram rolls into the station, it sounds like a small earthquake.  Fortunately the beds were soft enough to neutralize the rumble.

Laughing Planet Cafe

A few blocks from our hotel was the Laughing Planet Cafe.  The food and the atmosphere perfectly represent Portland.  It’s fun and fresh.  Steamed instead of fried.  And the decor reminded me of my room as a kid with toys of dinosaurs battling robots — when will someone make a Dinosaur Vs. Robot movie?

The steamed plantains with tangy BBQ sauce appetizer was unique and tasty.  And my southwest burrito with chicken, corn and black beans in a whole wheat tortilla was so fresh it didn’t feel dense.

Bunk Sandwiches

We couldn’t wait to try Bunk Sandwiches after we saw it on “Diners, Drive-Ins And Dives” on Food Network.  The sandwiches are a little more expensive than Subway — $8 average — but the only person who doesn’t think Subway is crap is Jared (and they pay him to say that).

The pulled pork sandwich with apple cabbage slaw was so sweet and savory and delicious that I had to go back the next day and get another.  That sandwich turned out to be very expensive.  Why?

Because we got a parking ticket.  If there’s anything bad to say about Bunk, it’s that the shop is very small and there is little parking.  And even the parking that is available on the street has weird rules and regulations that suburbanites like us aren’t used to.

But that’s not even the worst part.  The worst part is that because we got a ticket, we missed the first ten minutes of the USA vs. Finland semifinal hockey game.  And in those ten minutes, USA scored six goals.  How many goals did they score the rest of the game?  ZERO.

Inmates And Rainbows

Thirty minutes outside of Portland is Multnomah Falls, the second largest year-round waterfall in the country.  On our way there, we stopped at Vista House at Crown Point to overlook the Columbia River Gorge.

It was there that we saw the brightest rainbow any of us had ever seen.  It looked impossibly tangible, like we could slide down it.  The scene was so surreal, we expected a unicorn to show up just to prove we were dreaming.

Instead… we got inmates.

That’s right, a wagon full of criminals in orange jumpsuits arrived moments later to perform clean-up duty.  Surprisingly, there was no talk of shanking.  They were just as awestruck by the rainbow as we were.

The officer even made them line up against the wall to take a group photo with the rainbow.  Instead of saying “cheese,” one of the inmates proudly yelled, “incarceration!”

We eventually asked the officer to take a picture of the three of us.  He took our camera and said, “Okay, on three say ‘Freedom!’.”

Multnomah Falls

The road to Multnomah Falls on the Historic Columbia River Highway is steep, winding and a little scary… but it’s totally worth it to see the breathtaking 620-foot waterfall.

I’ve never seen a waterfall in real life, so this was one of the coolest things I had ever seen.  The view was spectacular, and the feeling of the cold mist hitting my face was invigorating.

On the short trail leading to the footbridge that spans the second tier of the waterfall we ran into the same people we sat next to at Bunk Sandwiches just an hour prior.  I told him that we had just left the Olympics, and he said he was on his way there to watch his cousin compete in snowboarding.

We’re certainly not fit enough to walk the trail to the top of the waterfall, so we visited the Multnomah Falls Lodge, which was built in 1925.

Inside, there is a USDA Forest Service Visitor Center that features a cool exhibit that shows the early development of salmon native to the area.  Inside glass jars, you can see salmon at different stages in their early life cycle from embryo to eyed egg to small fish.

Le Bistro Montage

We almost didn’t go here despite the glowing reviews.  The restaurant is tucked under a bridge in a dark and unsavory looking part of town.  We thought the reviews were just a ploy to mug unsuspecting tourists like us.

Luckily, we didn’t let the location fool us.  The place was packed, the staff was funny and helpful, and the comfort food was great.  We tried a variety of mac and cheese dishes, and even sampled an unusual appetizer… alligator bites.

Contrary to popular belief, alligator doesn’t taste like chicken.  It tastes like a chicken, a cow and a fish had a three-way and this was what was birthed.  The land and sea taste didn’t work for me.  Neither did the chewiness.  But if I didn’t eat that alligator, chances are it would have eaten me.

World Forestry Center

This is a place to take kids who are easily impressed.  For us, it wasn’t really worth the $8 admission.

Even though the World Forestry Center was renovated only five years ago, it still feels old and out of date.  The information about forests and their importance to the global ecosystem read like it was pulled out of a text book.

Luckily, interactive exhibits alleviate the boredom.  The white water rafting simulation didn’t work when we were there, but we jumped inside the raft anyway.  We also enjoyed the smoke jumper simulation where you sit in a harness and guide your parachute toward a target in a simulated forest beneath your feet. I sucked at it.

During our visit, there was a small exhibition about cacao.  It would have been better if we got to taste chocolate.

The coolest thing we saw in the World Forestry Center was a tree stump… with a gun sticking out of it.

50 years ago, someone had stuck a .22 caliber rifle in the crotch of this tree.  And as the tree continued to grow, it absorbed most of the gun.  Today it’s called the Armed Willow.

Powell’s City Of Books

It may not be the Library of Alexandria, but it makes Barnes & Noble look like a garage sale.  This is nirvana for book nerds.

Powell’s City of Books calls itself the largest independent new and used bookstore in the world.  I don’t doubt that claim.  You literally need a map to navigate this place.

We spent about two hours looking through various sections and barely scratched the surface.  The coolest thing about the store is that you’ll find new books sitting next to rare books published decades ago.  It gives you the feeling that you may discover something special that nobody knows about, like when that kid found The Neverending Story.

Ghosts And Pizza

Your order number at Old Town Pizza is a playing card.

Over 100 years ago, the building that Old Town Pizza now occupies used to be a hotel with a shady reputation.  Underneath the former Merchant Hotel is a secret passageway called a Shanghai Tunnel.

Back when Portland was known as a rough and tumble port city, an unsuspecting person in the wrong place at the wrong time would fall through a trap door into a Shanghai Tunnel and be sold into slave labor.

One of the victims of the Shanghai Tunnel was Nina, a young woman sold into prostitution.  Soon after becoming an unwilling woman of the night, Nina was found dead at the bottom of an elevator shaft in the hotel.

The scary thing is… she never left.  The ghost of Nina reportedly moves objects, turns on water, turns off lights and occasionally appears in the dark crevices of Old Town Pizza.

The original check-in desk from the Merchant Hotel is where you place your order.

The story is great, but the food is even better.  We enjoyed thin crust pizzas that were fresh, hot and not too filling.  For our starter, we had garlic knots, a light and airy twisted piece of bread drenched in garlic and seasoning.  Thank goodness we’re single because no one would kiss us after eating those.

Voodoo Doughnut

If you’re not a doughnut lover, Voodoo Doughnut will convert you.  Case in point: we went to their downtown location with our friend Ashley who insisted she wouldn’t get a doughnut because she doesn’t like them.  She got three.

Voodoo Doughnut is not your regular doughnut store.  It’s an experience.

There are two locations, but the one you really must visit is Voodoo Doughnut Too.  At this 24-hour location, you can play pinball, sit in a chair that looks like a coffin… and even get married.

Yes, you can legally wed at Voodoo Doughnut Too.

But why waste your money on getting married when you can plop down $100 to get three dozen doughnuts inside a small wooden coffin?  (Single donuts will run you $1 to $5 each.)

With so much dark humor and sexual innuendo, don’t expect to find a church group visiting.  One of their popular doughnuts is the Cock ‘N Balls (guess what it looks like) and their slogans are “The Magic Is In The Hole” and “Good Things Come In Pink Boxes.”

But what Voodoo Doughnut is really known for is its maple bacon doughnut.  Yes, they really serve a doughnut with bacon.

The maple bacon bar is a large and fluffy raised doughnut blanketed with a thick layer of sweet maple frosting, topped with two pieces of crispy bacon.  It may sound disturbing, but the sweet and salty combination of flavors is one of the most delicious things I’ve ever eaten.

Voodoo Doughnut isn’t just famous for its creative concoctions… it’s famous for simply having a damn good doughnut.